This Holy Night We Flood the World with Bees!
Something Awful's charity bee drive lets you donate to a good cause and still feel evil! Darken the skies of the third world with swarms of deadly honey bees and cackle like a lunatic while secretly helping your fellow man!
Interview with a Former Porn Star
In this exclusive interview with former adult actress Texas Presley, learn who has the worst-smelling vagina in porn, learn about the porn star who's had enough STDs to kill a horse, and find out whether Kevin "Fragmaster" Bowen has a future in erotic film!
Starwire '79! With Rocky French
Hollywood gossip columnist Rocky French brings you the hottest celeb news of 1979! Learn about Richard Burton's turn in the upcoming Star Wars sequel, the death of John Wayne, Ted Nugent's classical outburst and Rocky's pick for top flick of the year!
Your Bandicoot Sucks
The animal kingdom is often praised as "beautiful" and "majestic," but I don't buy it. Most animals are, when you get right down to it, crap.
Today We Learn English! Lesson 4: The Parts of Speech (Part 3)
The world-famous language learning series, Today We Learn English, teaches you all about the parts of speech. Learn about nouns, verbs, yelks, adjectives, antadjectives, antinouns, interjections and obscenities!
The Dog I Like
I saw that dog I like again. It had its leash in its mouth and its ears pressed back, and it was trotting down 14th Street, stopping once in a while to smell plants and buildings. It was like I was paralyzed. What should I say? Should I try to play it cool and just whistle and hold my hand out to smell, or should I tell the truth?
My Genitals
I was born with what are known as "fused genitals," which means my penis and testicles are, in simple terms, all one thing. Imagine a guy's testicles, and that one of the testicles is about 6 inches long and really lumpy.
I'm Not a Hick
I'm not a hick, you know. I'm not some country bumpkin you can push around. You can call me all the nasty names you want: a yokel, a rube, a hayseed; I've heard them all. It doesn't bother me. Maybe you're not used to seeing a man with a rooster on a leash, but you're no better than me.
Snorbs.com: Deadly Toasters?
Snorbs.com, the top internet debunker of urban legends, tackles recent claims that terrorists are warning us not to use the "top brown" setting on our toaster ovens. Is it true, or just more scaremongering?
Shocking Revelations of the Wikipedia Scanner
The internet world was rocked this weekend when a new program, Wikipedia Scanner, confirmed that corporations habitually edit their own Wikipedia entries to whitewash criticism and add their PR spin. Something Awful has a full report of the shocking edits.
The Rope Trick Index
A detailed analysis of this week's rope trick market, showing the rise and fall of all your favorite tricks, from the Hillbilly Handshake to the Millionaire's Mustache.
The ABCs of Workplace Efficiency
Serious workplace productivity consultant Dr. David Thorpe offers an easy-to-follow guide on workplace efficiency. Learn the ABCs of productivity, from avoiding cannibals to keeping plenty of Web 2.0 geese on hand,
LivingXL: Accessories for the Adventurously Obese
LivingXL is the catalog for the worldly, sophisticated, and morbidly obese man. Peruse its pages to find exciting products and read tales of adventure and high society!
The Field Guide to North American T-Shirts
This illustrated guide to America's native t-shirts helps you make sense of the colorful plumage of your fellow man. Learn scientific facts about Dragon Shirts, Brand Shirts, Band Shirts, Jesus/Weed Parody Shirts and even the elusive Idiot Shirt.
Perhaps Some Animes Are in Order?
David Thorpe infiltrates Fanime, an anime convention in San Jose. The wonders and horrors of anime are laid bare before the incredulous eyes of the "normal" world.
Starwire '72! With Rocky French
This particularly feisty edition of Starwire! is reprinted from the July 8th, 1972 issue of The Los Angeles Barrow. Rocky, still half-bearded and a little punchy from the Academy Awards just six months prior, brings us up to speed on all the entertainment industry gossip. His inimitable style permeates each morsel of Hollywoof madness!
Writ Large is the Declaration of J.F. Swanton (Part 5)
Evil fur trapper J.F. Swanton finds religion, talks a woman into suicide, and twice saves his best friend and longtime rival, P.B. Fouke, from the cruelest traps known to man.
Internet Discount Barn Spring Fire Sale!
Welcome to the Internet Discount Barn's spring fire sale, bringing you the greatest deals on the least-wanted merchandise in the world. Who cares if it's dangerous, immoral or ill-gotten? It's CHEAP!
District Bulletin: Public Elections (Part 3)
The strange tale of elections in the mysterious district. Read quotes from all the top candidates, find out a little more about District politics, and try to figure out what the hell is going on.
Yor: The Hunter from the Future
What do you get when you cram a Star Wars ripoff inside an Italo-Turkish caveman/barbarian film? You get Yor: The Hunter from the Future, one of the most tedious movies ever made. Starring Reb Brown and the grandpa from Troll II.
The Awkwardness Survival Guide
This easy-to-follow guide provides effective methods to mitigate even the most embarrassing situations: calling your teacher "mom," leaning back too far in your chair, responding to a confusing handshake, and offending the disabled.
Reunionmania!
Thinking of spending $300 for a scalped Police ticket? Read this first! Your Band Sucks presents a guide to some of 2007’s hottest reunions, featuring The Police, Van Halen, Rage Against the Machine, the Smashing Pumpkins, The Jesus and Mary Chain, and more.
CyberFrontiers
CyberFrontiers is a webzine focusing on the future of cyberspace: virtual reality, fractals, cyberpunk literature, and much more!
Herein Lies the Promise of J. F. Swanton (Part 2)
J.F. Swanton, a barbaric fur trapper, boasts of his cruel and outrageous methods of trapping, his appalling business practices, and his intent to kill his main rival, the beloved fur trapper P.B. Fouke.
Indiana Jones and the Vessel of Ra
The Awful Movie Database provides in-depth info on the upcoming George Lucas/Stephen Spielberg blockbuster "Indiana Jones and the Vessel of Ra."
Electric Heart: The True Story of Bust-a-Move
The true story of one man's quest to dance, and the origin of the legendary phrase
Dating Tips for the Overqualified
Do women fear your wealth, good looks, charm and taste? Fear not: this guide will transform you from ultra-mod to ultra-slob.
2006 Reader's Choice Awards
Dr. David Thorpe sent out a call for his readers to submit their least favorite music of the year. Behold, the year's worst music, as chosen by Your Band Sucks readers.
If You Are Reading This, I Am Dead
Something Awful's David Thorpe prepares for his death with a bizarre document to be read by his heirs.
2006 World's Greatest Dad Awards
Something Awful's year-end music awards are finally here. Dr. David Thorpe runs wild on Fergie, Avenged Sevenfold, AFI, Fallout Boy and more.
