Microwave Dinner Recipes
Microwave dinners make passable meals on nights you don't feel like sitting alone at Wendy's or cooking a Hamburger Helper meal for one. The only problem with these frozen slabs of vaguely foodlike slush is that they always taste the same. Maybe it's time to change things up with one of these recipes.
Scared Straight at the Supermarket
As part of my probation for my recent drug arrest, I have to spend a day with a heroin addict. After shooting up, he says we need to go somewhere. I assume it's to score more heroin, but instead we end up at the supermarket.
Stop Making Fun of My Alternative Tea
Every time I visit your store to buy a six pack of Twisted Tea you laugh at me. Just because I drink alternative tea doesn't mean I'm some kind of freak.
Nioxin Will Make Your Living Hair Dead
The new 'miracle' hair care product Nioxin has some severe side effects that everyone should be aware of.
How Your Tip Affects Your Next Delivery
I've been delivering your food for several months now, but lately you've been having second thoughts about tipping me. Well, despite what you think, tips are important, as they have a drastic impact on how your next order is handled.
Fast Food Reviews
Some of the most interesting and informative fast-food reviews from around the web.
The Scariest Thoughts of Serial Killers
We asked several notorious serial killers to tell us the scariest things they could think of. Beware, their answers are not for the faint of heart.
Everyday Nightmares
You're lying in bed and there's a spider crawling toward you. You try to want to move, but are too depressed.
Oleg's Lie Will Come Home To Roost (Part 4)
Oleg makes me fallguy for soda machine prank. Time to even the score.
The Best of The Pirate Bay's Physibles Page
Last year, The Pirate Bay opened a “physibles” section for objects that you can download and make with a 3D printer. Here are some of the highlights so far.
Guest Feedback: Wolfman
"Cashier 'Wolfman' greeted me with an enthusiastic growl and feverishly punched in my order on his touchscreen. I have to say I was impressed by his vigor. My order was made wrong, but this is hardly Wolfman’s fault. If those grill workers had half his dedication, they’d read their slips correctly."
Classic Novels AutoSummarized
Microsoft Word has a wonderful non-sequitur device called AutoSummarize. Unleashed on classic novels, it yields summaries that are both funny and surprisingly accurate.
A Dude's Dilemma
"Hey, I think my water bottle rolled into your stall. Can you hand it back?" "Sure ... no wait." "What?" "My hand, it's been in my groin region..."
Unpopular Urban Legends
We’re all familiar with urban legends: those time-honored, hand-me-down myths about killers in the backseat, spiders in hairdos and phone calls from inside the house. But for every popular urban legend we’ve heard, there are several others that have never taken off. Let’s look at a few of these lesser-known tales.
Dear Target Employee,
We've noticed that you haven't been following certain store rules. Our rules are important for maintaining a friendly atmosphere for our guests and a healthy and productive working environment for our team. Please review the following incidents and reflect on how you could've handled them better.
Internet Writers Guild of America Registry Form
For a small fee, the Internet Writers Guild of America Registry documents your authorship of a work, protecting it from potential plagiarism. (Note: due to recent market fluctuations, the IWGA no longer accepts payment in Bitcoins.)
History's Greatest Icings
Remember 'icing'? Wikipedia defines it as a game that requires cunning, keen misdirection and flair.
This New Slave Is the Worst
I caught him nailing his testicles to the roof with the nailgun. He must hate working if he's willing to stage such an elaborate injury just to get out of laying some shingles! I was pretty upset, so he apologized and asked if I was going to whip him. I told him yes, I was definitely going to crack the whip, so to speak, by giving him more chores.
PlatMaster 10,000!
The PlatMaster 10,000 is the world’s first platform simulator. Its hydraulic pads move forward at an adjustable rate, while its soft bed of foam-rubber Safe-T spikes ensures a missed jump won’t deplete your health. Finally you can sprint, leap and vault to your heart’s content without worrying about falling into a bottomless chasm of nothingness!
How To Make Someone Cry
Maybe if I wore a cape and ran around someone's living room they'd start weeping violently.
Zombie Plans
Love messes with our brains, that’s a fact. Do you really want your judgment impaired in a life or undead situation? Or someone flirting with you when you’re trying to focus on not being zombie chow? Sorry to my secret admirers, but romance has no place in my zombie plan.
