Awfully Weird Tales #2
Sick of poverty, riots and insanity? So were your ancestors when THEY got lost in pulp magazines! Brush away the summer insanity with colorful madness, this week in the Comedy Goldmine!
"Only" Stand and Wait- A Memorial for Annie Glenn
Think you know who the most accomplished American in history is? I bet you don't. She just passed, and this year for Memorial Day we take a serious moment to remember her.
Tornados Hate Our Freedom
I can not believe the bellyachin' from these kids. "But Bill, we better stay indoors where it's safe", "but Bill, governor says stay away from winders"! That dog won't hunt, son.
Learning ancient, forbidden sex majik
There is an ancient and proud tradition of people finding spiritual resonance within the captivating riddle of their own sexuality. That tradition has little or nothing to do with carnies eating junk food... or does it???
Cspam Corvid Thread
The C-SPAM goons take a break from the endless news drip to concentrate on a much more interesting subject: cool birds and why they're so dang cool!
town crier reading this month's balance patch to the gladiators
Any game that's out long enough will inevitably be ruined by endless "balance" patches, tweaks that either nerf or beef every little thing until the whole experience is either milquetoast or apeshit. The goons apply the latter method to Ancient Rome itself, somehow!
D&D's The Tomb of Horror, except every player is operating a bulldozer
The goons of BYOB take on an all-time classic dungeon with a slightly adjusted equipment list. What's the CR adjustment on a bulldozer anyway? So the boss should have *scribbles* 2d6+6 slimes now, hmm... with +1 hardhats, yeah! *scribbles*.
To Mrs. Villagrande, on the Information Superhighway
BFM recounts the caseworker who finally proved to him that there are nice people in this world, and the changes that appear sudden to us now are anything but.
Awfully Weird Tales #1
The SA forums goons make a pulp scifi/fantasy 'zine that puts old William Gaines to shame! I mean, additional shame, on top of the misogyny and functional illiteracy.
PYF Drawing of Shrek from memory
If you have not watched 2001's Shrek repeatedly until you know every line, you will never be half the vampire hunter Lt. Col Neville was. Also your drawings of Shrek might be off.
Donkey Kong 64 turned my sister onto Communism
In C-SPAM anything can be the start of a long, well researched discussion that goes wildly off the rails and ends up recommending butt-plugs. And I do mean anything.
How Bad Are In-N-Out French Fries?
They say the french fries at In-N-Out are bad. But these fries aren't just bad, they're on Satan's secret menu!
Repopulate the Smurf Village!
The Smurfs are dead! Or, undead, I was never really sure. Either way the SomethingAwful forums goons saw fit to dream up some wild and disturbing replacements!
Spherical and/or Spinning Things!
Gaze back at the internet of yesteryear with this collection of spinning graphics fit for the finest fanfic or game-modding archive Geocities had to offer!
Sex God Tortoises
A simple request, to imagine the retirement of a prodigious shelled gigolo, reveals just how screwed up the goons' idea of "sexy images" is! Careful, this week is gross and weird!
Joker Minion, Part II
Whoever soap-painted that minion in Joaquin Phoenix Joker makeup to sell french fries couldn't possibly have imagined it would cause all this! Part II of whatever the hell it was we were doing last week!
Merge Media + Joker Minion, Pt I
When the SA forums take on mash-up movie titles, they quickly get bored and start messing with a copyright-violating poutine ad. Either that's an apt description of this article or I'm having a stroke; read more to find out which!
Romance Novels!
Oh for the glory days of Harlequin novels, chipped and water-damaged, forgotten in airports and guest houses, ringing with the forced mewls of whisper-thin nurses and forty-something lifeguard men. The goons revive that brusquely painted world's sleazy aura- plus, cuss words!
Awful Propaganda Part 2
The goons come up with yet more reasons for you to join their hideous ranks, in this mash-up of classic propaganda images and forums memes that nobody but us will get. It's like trying to teach someone a language just using that language: frustrating, pointless, and hilarious in a mean way!
Nightmares Fear Factory 2019!
Like a rotting pumpkin on the front stoop of an alcoholic, our annual Halloween article is here! Get your costumes back on you little jerks, we got funny pictures to look at! No I have not been drinking! No I will not clean off the steps! Shut up!
Awful Propaganda Part 1
The goons malign and misuse serious wartime and sociopolitical propaganda images to try and entice new prey into our terrifying cave. Haven't had anybody compare you to Hitler over a matter of ten dollars today? Step right this way, new meat!
The President Has Wood(en Statue)
A mysterious Slovenian sculpture of the president. An impatient goon. The ramifications are just as important as any other political news in America, and you have a front row seat!
Y?WIFYW!
What happens when the Something Awful forums users take a nonsense phrase and juxtapose it everywhere? Now what if it wasn't a nonsense phrase?! Now what if it said an embarrassing amount about us!?!?
Adventurehog (and Friends!)
When the forums get their hands on a picture of a cute hedgehog in a little boat they do what any reasonable people would do- put him in inappropriate movies and games of course!
Banker.Bmp, Part 3!
Plunge into the wretched heart of Phridays and never come back again, with the Summer of Nancy grand finale!
Nightmares Fear Factory 2018!
Once again the SA forums mercilessly mock haunted house victims who should seriously put more consideration into signing image releases... haha like those are still a thing.
Banker.Bmp, Part 2!
If you thought Part 1 was confusing, be careful you don't mistake Part 2 for a stroke! More Nancy edits from summer of '18
Banker.Bmp!
The SomethingAwful forums take economics, culture, and sanity to task via smudged Nancy comics somebody found in god-knows-what terrible place! Clowns and madness ahoy!
The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 14)
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 13)
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
The Frothing Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 12)
"Incredible! Marvelous!" squawked the gulls in cheerful unison, and they joined the great festival of wings with vigor. But this did not go unnoticed. "Oh hell," said a great owl to a hummingbird moth. "Who invited the gulls?"
The Farcical Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 11)
‘Absurd!’ scoffed the pterodactyls. ‘We are faster than the frogs, by any measure!’ But the pterodactyls were honorable sportsmen, and they believed themselves bound to oblige a fair challenge. When the day of the race came, the pterodactyls and frogs gathered at the starting line, each side sure of victory. The flag was raised, and off they went!
The Feral Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 10)
"BRICKS! BRICKS! BRICKS! BRICKS! BRICKS!" screeched the hen as she squawked about the clayfield in a fluttering panic. The brickmaker narrowed his gaze, trying to hone in on what he was witnessing. He had been wholly unaware of the phenomenon of talking animals until that moment, and this was a lot to absorb.
The Fibular Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 9)
Two giraffes, who as all traveled men know enjoy gazing at clouds, were engaging in their famous hobby one day when a particularly interesting specimen wafted into view. 'That cloud...' said the first giraffe, as he gestured toward the culprit in question.'that cloud is the emperor of clouds.'
The Facinorous Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 8)
"What trickery!" the butcher cried as he tore the makeshift ‘Wanted: Apprentice’ sign down from its place. "I made no such sign! And if I had, then even so, a raccoon would make for no honest apprentice! "Then why do you hang that other sign?" asked the raccoon, and again he pointed. And there it was, a sign that read "Wanted: Raccoon Apprentice.”
The Festooneried Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 7)
‘Why have you forgotten us?’ moaned the skeletons. They strained with ancient clatter. ‘Let us die!’
The Figure in the Fireplace (Part 6)
Of the many ghost stories penned by Groggery Gibbonman, surely none were better received than 'The Figure in the Fireplace,' a chilling verse first published in serialized form on the back of 'Sergio Cal’s Mystic Pastes of the Far East.' The hocus-pocus medicines ultimately proved unpopular due to radiation poisoning, but the hallowed rime remains!
A Few More Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 5)
The cat traveled as far as he could walk, and when he came to the sea he swam. And when he tired of swimming he sank to the bottom of the sea, and there he met Neptune slumbering in his chamber. 'Oh mighty Neptune!' cried the cat, awakening the god. 'What marvels I have seen on my journey!'
The Further Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 4)
"Ahoy, good bees!" shouted the wolf to the bees' nest. "Your safety is much impaired, your lives at risk! For there is far too much honey in your nest! Though sweet, it is the culprit in your weighty danger! If you do not lighten your load, certainly you will lose it all to catastrophe!" The bees buzzed in shock at the wolf's claim.
The Rambunctious Rhymes of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 3)
Groggery Tirade "Grog" Gibbonman was hailed by his contemporaries as a master of poetic rhythm. Of particular note are his nursery rhymes, the first printed collection of which was presented to the young sons of Sultan Aleksivus III via messenger as an act of war.
Groggery Gibbonman's 'Little Blue Hat' (Part 2)
"Oh dear!" said Little Blue Hat to the worm. "How is it that you know my name?" "Your actual name is 'Little Blue Hat?'" asked the worm with a dash of disbelief and a pinch of pity. "I can't say I expected that." He had no eyes to brow and thus no brows to arch, but certainly he did the best a worm could at it.
The Fabulous Fables of Groggery Gibbonman (Part 1)
During the tumultuous Jacquelinian era, no fabulist or faerie-tailor was more esteemed than Groggery Tirade 'Grog' Gibbonman. From his famous home at 359 ½ Fourthpenny Avenue, London, he penned more than 7,000 short morality tales in his lifetime, many of them wickedly scathing in their derision of ... something.
