Donald Trump is Going to Make Prog Rock Great Again
Some people claim Trump's rise will bring back comedy or punk rock. Wrong! He's bringing back prog rock, baby!
The 9 Best Pizzas in 2016 Ruined By Blizzard Making Tracer a Lesbian
I didn't order extra SJW agenda on this pizza. I didn't order this pizza either. They won't let me out and I have to review them.
You Bigoted Piece of Shit Morons Had Better Vote for Me in 2020
You morons blew it and you're going to suffer. So you'd better learn your lesson and vote for me.
#DumpStarWars: The Anti-Trump Scenes From Rogue One Have Leaked
Liberals have once again used the media to attack Trump. We have the leaked script for Rogue One that exposes all of their vile lies.
Actually, Donald Trump is the Phantasm Orb
Donald Trump is constantly being compared to infamous political figures and villains from movies. Finally, the correct comparison is here.
Which Swords Should Trump Choose for His Cabinet?
President-elect Trump needs to make some tough choices about the swords his key advisers will wield.
FITNESS SECRETARY! (Part 6)
Hyurgi Tigerwoods returns with news of his appointment to the Trump administration and plans to get all American kids healthy.
Your 2016 Disillusioned Voter Guide
Don't go to the polls today without consulting our guide for voters who pretty much want to die.
Dolores, Please Show Me to Westworld's Normal Bathrooms
Oh, man, I am cramping up right now. I can't use the wooden poop box. There has to be an elevator hidden in the back of the general store.
Hope for Trump Supporters: Steven Seagal for President 2020
Angry and hopeless Trump voters take heart: there is a man who is out for justice for America.
My Scandals Have Brought Me L... Low
No silkier pelt nor softer voice can be found above or below the roots. Gentle Creature is the leader we need.
How Will the Candidates Solve the Lurking Clown Issue?
The clowns are coming and these candidates aren't the heroes we want, or the ones we need, or even heroes, but they're what we have.
Take 'em off the glass! Please, girls, it's too much!
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
Would you eat a Skittle out of my mouth like a baby bird?
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
Why I'll never mangia the pasta with a feminist
Sorry, feminists, but I will not be slurping the 'ghet and grabbing on your rack in the hot tub I made in my PT Cruiser.
We See You Are Running Ad Block, Motherfucker
We see you trying to block our shit. We are gonna smoke you out. You can't click our content now, motherfucker.
Girl, You Deserve a Man Who Will Bring You 20 Carbon
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
James Cameron Doesn't Even Remember What the Blue Aliens are Called
James Cameron's plans for future Avatar movies include some information about dinosaur sex he saw on the Internet.
Polka Dot Flesh Secures the Treasure
An update from the strange and majestic body horror of the Olympic Games in Rio.
Don Draper pitches the sexy diarrhea woman to Viberzi
America's greatest ad pitch man sells the IBS pill guys from Viberzi on a diarrhea babe.
We Should Deport Everyone From America Who Follows the Magician's Code
Will we continue to live in fear of the Mindfreaking or will we demand magicians break their Code?
Watch out Joe Walsh. Paranoid Fantasy America is coming after you.
In these tough times, America can be united over how much former congressman Joe Walsh sucks.
9 Fast Facts Americans Need to Know About the BREXIT
We clear up the BREXIT for confused Americans wondering why the global economy is collapsing this time.
Actually, it's Good the Martians are Using the Heat Ray
Martians are wiping out Mankind and bringing equality to London with their heat ray.
Cyberpunk Anthony Bourdain's Parts Unknown 2077
The year is 2077. Anthony Bourdain is looking for the best street food or high cuisine on the neon-drenched cyber streets of the world.
An Open Letter to Marvel: Give Captain America a Dog Man Boyfriend
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
Only Steven Seagal Can Protect Our Children in the Bathroom
In a world where the rules no longer apply, one man is here to be sure a trans person isn't trying to pee near our children.
Surviving Game of Thrones Characters You May Have Forgotten About
Game of Thrones has mercilessly killed off characters over the years, but these lesser characters are still waiting to meet their fate.
Unfortunate Corporate Social Media Reactions to Prince's Death
When celebrities die, corporations frequently fumble with how to respond on social media.
As an Actual Super Predator, I am Disgusted with the Clintons
The Clintons need to stop comparing juvenile humans to super predators. It is insulting to my kind.
Seven Moments in the Rogue One Trailer That Confirmed to My Idiot Wife Cheryl I Was Right to Buy Samurai Darth Vader
Trust me, when I bought these dang things Cheryl gave me an earful. But they're going to make us a mint!
Trump Outrages Left and Right With Tweets About Crazy Frog's Penis
Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has walked right into another controversy and this time both the left and the right are angry with his views on Crazy Frog's penis.
My Father Was the Screaming Face in the X-Files Opening and It Made My Faith Stronger
I was tested by this revelation, but now my belief is stronger than ever.
Who Said It: Donald Trump or Al Pacino as Big Boy Caprice From Dick Tracy?
See if you can spot the difference between Donald Trump's speeches and the diatribes of Dick Tracy movie villain Big Boy Caprice.
Tupac's Rap Notebooks Prove He Knew the Ending to 10 Cloverfield Lane
Rapper Tupac Shakur died in 1996, but recently rediscovered notebooks prove he was prophetic.
It is T... Time to Please Reconsider the Gentle Creature Option
As the presidential race descends into desperation, now is the best time to seek unity and reconsider the Gentle Creature option.
OPINION: Doctor Ben Carson Was at Last Night's Debate
A careful analysis of evidence from the Republican debate last night suggests that Doctor Ben Carson was on the debate stage.
Jared Leto's Self-Motivational Tips for Being the Joker
Jared Leto's Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad film is going to be an intense character, if Jared's private encouragement to himself is anything to go on.
If Ewoks Were Introduced in Scripts Like Women
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
An Avenger Appearing in the First Act, Must Use All of Their Powers by the Third Act
Anton Chekhov's famous gun rule is not being followed by some lazy screen writers for the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
These Infuriating Twitter Millennials Didn't Even Know Abe Vigoda
You won't believe what these annoying millennials said when they heard David Bowie had died.
I... I am Ready to Become Your President
If you are sick of all the yelling and bigotry in politics, the gentle creature that came out of the cellar and quietly wants to be president might just be the candidate for you!
We Deserve to Know Where the Presidential Candidates Stand on Anime and Manga
Otaku Obama thanks Japan for anime and manga. Will our next president continue to hand this country over to the Japanese or will they build the dang wall?
2016's Resolutions You've Probably Already Broken
Sometimes it feels like you live on a street of bad habits and everyone around you is trying to sabotage your efforts at self improvement.
