William Gibson Correctly Predicts the Internet of 2013 (Part 2)
The influential science fiction author successfully predicts what the Internet will be like.next year.
Cormac McCarthy Writes Copy for the Fleshlight Website (Part 1)
The Pulitzer Prize winning author of The Road turns to writing ad copy for a sex toy website.
Maid: The Role Playing Game (2008)
Zack forces Steve to play test Maid: The RPG and together they discover the disgusting secret of the game.
Lack of Tom Bombadil in The Hobbit Movie Really Pissing Off Tom Bombadil
Famously fun-loving Tom Bombadil vents over being cut from all Tolkien film adaptations he does.
World to Be Destroyed By Tsunami of Insufferable Mayan Calendar Jokes
It's December 21st, 2012. There are ten billion jokes and nobody is laughing, except the Mayans.
Help Us Save Synnibarr!
Join forces with Steve and Zack to help save one of the silliest roleplaying games to come out of the 20th century.
Your Old Friend On Facebook Has a Plan to Prevent School Shootings
That guy you've been meaning to un-friend on Facebook for months has some ideas about how to prevent school shootings.
The Overly Optimistic Futurist's Guide to Dating in the Post-Singularity
What if all the TED talks and blog posts turn out to be true and we are headed for a technological singularity? You're going to want to know how to date.
The Grim Darkness of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay Art
Zack and Steve get grim and dark with the creepy artwork of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay.
Jovan Belcher's Girlfriend Would Still Be Alive if She'd Been a Living Weapon
The head of the NRA responds to the remarks of Bob Costas and explains how NFL player Jovan Belcher's girlfriend would have survived if she were a perfect instrument of death-dealing Ryushin.
The Lamest Science Fiction Cars that Should Have Been Junked
Not every movie can feature a time-traveling DeLorean or an alien-squashing APC. We have a slow-moving, asymmetrical parade of the worst vehicles of science fiction.
Keep Mogadishu Weird!
Recent rumors about a big box store coming to Mogadishu force a local shopkeeper to come out in defense of the city's weirdness.
Lazygate: The Best Political Story You Missed
Laziness leads to political trouble for a transgendered lawmaker in New Hampshire.
Black Ops II's Letters to Penthouse Forum
JSOC was standing in the doorway silhouetted by the glow of an IR beacon...
Anders Behring Breivik Reviews Pizza Available In Prison
Norway political murderer Anders Behring Breivik, enduring terrible torture in Norway's toughest prison, reviews pizzas available to him.
The Necronomicon as Imagined By Other Authors
From Hemingway to Stephenson to the author of Fifty Shades of Grey; alternate authors imagine Lovecraft's Necronomicon.
11 Mom Blogger Secrets to Winning Black Friday
Get the secret techniques for finding Black Friday deals from the perfect source: Mom Bloggers.
Ulillillia Refutes SA's Lifehacker Parody
"Altoids have no effect on energy levels. Even with 8 of them in my mouth..." Game developer Nick "Ulillillia" Smith takes Something Awful to task for our parody of Lifehacker featuring Ulillillia.
The Hottest Tech of 2013
We take a look at the hottest technology hitting the market in 2013.
Lifehacker's How I Work: Ulillillia
Lifehacker talks to Ulillillia about his workplace and tips he uses to increase productivity.
What Headmates Inhabit Your Headspace?
Meet the factive and fictive voices that inhabit the heads of people on tumblr.
ID44: Barack Obama Tackles the Speech from "Independence Day"
The scientists may say our bombs are not powerful enough, the philosophers may question the ethics of exterminating a sentient species, but if we stand together, no force field can stop our weapons, no swarm of plasma-spitting fighters can turn back our jets.
Official Something Awful 2012 Presidential Endorsement
After much deliberation, Something Awful is pleased to announce our endorsement for President 2012. This candidate has everything America needs.
Nate Silver Projects the Outcome of Nate Silver's Upcoming Date
New York Times statistics wizard Nate Silver has been making some wild predictions about his upcoming date with Stephanie.
We Watch Entire Movies for Free On Our Portable Devices
FREE streaming videos. Watch now. No commercials. Watch on your phone. Ignore all other sensations.
Wolf Blitzer's Halloween Tweets
CNN Situation Room anchor Wolf Blitzer tweets about his job, politics and his feelings. These are his actual tweets.
The Disappearance of the Colonists on LV-426 is Something God Intended to Happen
Burke tries to explain his motivations after being caught trying to bring alien embryos back to earth.
The 2012 Fashion SWAT Sexy Samhain Showdown
Dr. Thorpenstein's Monster has been awakened. Zackula rises from his crypt. It's time for another Halloween SWAT!
Himformation!
Are you a guy in need of some answers to tough questions? Well nothing is tougher than a man. Himformation has the truth for bros.
Matt Romney's 2028 Campaign Platform
I am Matt Romney and I approve this disintegration.
Why Damned XCOM is Abolished From Nigeria
UFO panic grips Nigeria, leaving its president to do the only sensible thing and leave the only anti-UFO force in the world.
PolitiFact Rates the Statements of Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage
Fact-checking organization Politifact weighs in on the promos being cut by Hulk Hogan and Macho Man as we approach the deciding confrontation of Wrestlemania V.
If Mitt Romney is Elected I Will Have to Lay Some of You Off
David Siegel, a CEO who lives in a replica of Versailles, sent an email out threatening to fire his employees if President Obama is reelected. Now we have a liberal CEO demanding the reverse.
Actual Satanic Rituals Assembled from Media Reports of the 1980s
The variety of satanic rituals being conducted across America in the 1980s was thankfully captured by media of the time. Now we can reverse-engineer the rituals and relive the power.
I Must Know Your Thoughts On Circumcisions
You've been holding out on me, but as vaguely friendly coworkers I think it is high time you tell me what I've been wanting to know.
Targeting the Tiniest Demographics
Micro targeting demographics: squeezing blood from a weird, sort of embarrassing stone.
Pin the Privilege on the Picture
If you support the cause of social justice you are going to love this fun, new way to identify people with privileges and make the labels stick.
Can't Get Enough Epic Bacon!
Bacon makes everything better. More better than you can imagine. So much better, you will wonder if you were even alive before bacon.
Call of Cthulhu "Mansions of Madness" - Scenario Three (1990)
Zack and Steve are heading back to the mansions of horror with this week's return to our housing-based Cthulhu adventures.
Ultimate Grudge Match: The Takers vs. The Makers
America is divided into the makers and the takers. Do you sleep in hammocks? Guess which side you are on in the class war.
Flashback Retro Gaming: Drug Exterminators (1990)
A look back at 1990's forgotten side-scrolling action game "Drug Exterminators" for the NES.
![[FUNNY] The 13 Funniest Real Road Signs](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/8caa4453/ee0a54b9/cc35641a/1044b3ca/12084.jpg)
[FUNNY] The 13 Funniest Real Road Signs
Yo, do you love hilarious signs? Get a load of these funny road signs from around the 'net. Be sure to share on Facebook!
Farewell to Vilerat
Sean Smith, known as Vilerat to SA goons, was killed in the line of duty in Libya. This is how we knew Vilerat.
Dangerfood
The truth of America's food industry is exposed in 2009's Dangerfood. You'll never eat the same...
My Future Happiness Rests Entirely on the iPhone 5
The iPhone 5 is the only thing that can fulfill my meaning as a human being. I don't just want it; I need it to be happy.
Democrats: Bin Laden Determined to Be Mentioned by Us
The Democratic Convention in Charlotte is over. Was it a big winner for dems or will this be even less impressive than Paul Ryan's definition of "climb"?
Groupon's Schedule of Reduced Office Amenities
Groupon is facing a difficult future. In order to survive they have decided to cut back on amenities.
Hundreds of Festival Deaths Attributed to BPA Water Bottles
Hundreds were horribly killed and thousands were sickened after failing to heed the warnings about the dangers of BPA.
They Built It, We Can Destroy It
The Republican Convention in Tampa closes. Clint Eastwood babbles, Rubio wows, but is Romney human?
The Confederate Air Force of 1962
The south will rise again, in white-painted formations, roaring over the desolate badlands of Texas.
Barefoot Runner: The Vibramist's Manifesto
Wearers of the foot-shaped shoe unite! It's time to stop letting the bicyclists run us down and treat us like second class citizens.
Congressman Todd Akin and the Committee for Ironic Lady Science
Rape abortions: the wisest topic of discussion for elderly, male, ultra-conservative politicians with a loose grasp of anatomy.
Call of Cthulhu "Mansions of Madness" - Scenario Two (1990)
Steve and Zack continue their journey through the Mansions of Madness with the down south scenario "The Plantation."
Paul Ryan's "Insane" Workout Routine
Paul Ryan is a fitness machine. Get on that P90X routine and get pumped the Paul Ryan way.
Upcoming Games for the OUYA Console
The OUYA has received millions in funding, now find out what games will be first to the $99 console.
Guess Who Just Landed a Robot Car on Frigging Mars?
Former ISS Mission Commander AJ Tucker comments on the successful landing of the Curiosity rover on Mars.
Huffington Post Article Uses Diaper Fetish Site as Primary Source
The Huffington Post finds sources anywhere it wants. Even inside diapers.
Your Guide to Tomorrow's Olympics Coverage
Decide which events to watch with a little help from our guide to NBC's Olympics coverage.
Please See Attached Contract Rider for Mr. Haw Haw's Appearance at Your Child's Birthday
In the high-stakes world of birthday entertainment, Mr. Haw Haw commands a high price and demands good accommodations.
Phrases Most Likely Used to Introduce a Segment on "Beyond 2000"
The Australian technology TV show "Beyond 2000" was exported around the world from 1985 to 1999. Look back on the amazing technology of the future.
Call of Cthulhu "Mansions of Madness" - Scenario One (1990)
Steve and Zack climb the Mansion of Madness in this 1920s Call of Cthulhu scenario.
Ask the Graffiti in a Zombie Video Game
Need relationship advice? Look no further than the graffiti scrawled on the bullet-riddled walls of your favorite zombie video games.
What is in Mitt's Taxes?
Find out what is hiding inside presidential candidate Mitt Romney's unreleased taxes.
Science Wants to Ruin All Dinosaurs
Bird-brained paleontologists keep discovering fossils to ruin the reputation of dinosaurs.
The Call of Duty Villain of the Year is YOU
Dark Knight Rises writer David S. Goyer has picked you to play the villain in the new installment of Call of Duty: Black Ops.
AD&D 2E "Tome of Magic" (1991)
Steve and Zack crack open 1991's Tome of Magic and get thrilled by the crystal parrot.
Knowing When to Wear Your Bluetooth Earpiece
Join the devoted Bluetooth wearers and find out when you should be sticking the tooth in your ear.
Cash 4 Helium
Finding a safe way to invest your savings is increasingly difficult, but helium is the recession-proof resource.
Hitler Had Some Good Ideas
It is toxic and potential career suicide for celebrities to say Hitler had some good ideas, but, well...
How Dare You Attempt to Otherize My Undead Horde
The commander of an undead legion besieging a castle condemns the casual bigotry of those within its walls.
A Court Watcher's Guide to the Supreme Court Ruling on Obamacare
The Supreme Court is preparing to rule on provisions within Obamacare. Find out what it all means with this handy guide.
The Olive Garden Review Lady Reviews True Blood for Her Newspaper
The woman who reviewed the Olive Garden for the Grand Forks Herald turns her attention to HBO's True Blood.
The Worst Hypnotism
You aren't getting very sleepy. You're sort of getting annoyed. And why does this hypnotist's office have so many ants in it?
We Deserve the Circus Afro We Get
Dah dah dun dun dun dun dun CIRCUS Dah dah dun dun dun dun dun KILL ME.
Transgressive Presidents: The Founders
Washington neutered himself with a vise, Adams named a mule to his cabinet, and other secrets of history you probably did not hear in the classroom.
Detaching Your Parenting
Attachment parenting is increasingly common, but it can be harmful. Learn how to protect your child by detaching.
Why the Last Thing the USA Needs is More Goddang Teachers (Part 5)
Don Larry, USA Patriot, makes his case against teachers and for his own private academy.
Wolf Blitzer Tweets Again
CNN Situation Room anchor Wolf Blitzer's real tweets, totally unedited.
Steampunk World's Fair 2012 SWAT
Dave and Zack offer some helpful critiques of costumes at the 2012 Steampunk World's Fair.
CRAWLER: The Original Cryptid Hookup Site
Whether you are looking for a Mongolian Death Worm to settle down with or a Loch Ness Sexpig, Crawler is the relationship site for you.
Please Do Not Inhale the Smoke from Our Bath Salts
The makers of Soothing Rabbit Bath Salts put out a warning about an unexpected health risk related to their product.
In Memory of Our Nation's Golems
After years of serving our nation, it is time for us to honor the golems we have sent against our enemies. Please keep your distance.
The Demise of Guys: From Our Gross, Sticky Hands
Psychologist Philip Zimbardo is blaming the ruination of the modern male on video games and pornography. Ruined modern males disagree.
The Ultimate ALF Wiki: ALF Expanded Universe
Delve into the ALF expanded universe with this article from the ALF Wikipedia Project.
NATO Scrambles to Respond to Protestors' Signs
Protestors gathering in Chicago are throwing their message in the face of NATO using bold signs, and NATO is taking them seriously.
Our Miracle Daughter's Battle with Flesh-Eating Disease
Kelly is our miracle girl. Every day she gets stronger than the day before, no matter how many pieces of her body melted off.
Obama's Terrorist Hit List Targets Romney Donors
A vile Obama campaign website targets innocent private citizens who have donated money to Mitt Romney.
Euphemisms: "Shopping"
Get out your card, we have a collection of euphemisms used to describe various types of shopping.
Things Mitt Romney Forgot He Did in High School
Mitt Romney was recently revealed as quite the prankster at Cranbrook School, but Romney can't remember those days. Here are a few more incidents he was involved in to refresh his memory.
My Dad the Ghost Rider
Judy Blume meets Marvel as a teenage girl learns to deal with the difficulties of having a Ghost Rider for a father.
The Elder Scrolls MMO Leaked Info
Word has leaked of an upcoming Elder Scrolls MMO. We have compiled all of the rumors about the game.
D&D Module CB1: "Conan: Unchained!" - Part 2
Steve and Zack conclude the surprisingly uneventful journey of Nestor the Gunderman.
God's Plan
Whenever something goes wrong. Whenever tragedy strikes. Remember: God has a plan. To liberate $170 million from the High Roller vault in Las Vegas.
I'm Declaring a Moratorium on Pizza Experimentation
After decades of pizza research we have no good innovations. It's time to call a stop to all pizza scientists.
D&D Module CB1: "Conan: Unchained!" - Part 1
A Conan TSR adventure gives Steve the chance to DM Hyboria and Zack the chance to discover his inner Guntsman.
Kickstarters Ended with Zero Backers
Many Kickstarters are destined to fail. Some fail spectacularly. These Kickstarters never earned a dollar.
Watch the Short Film Based on "Liminal States"
A short film based on the novel "Liminal States" by SA's own Zack Parsons.
Angie's List: The Oak Court Creeper
Angie's List provides local reviews of local businesses, including a peeping creeper, a loose dog and Wayne's lawn.
In Memoriam: Snakeman
Snakeman is eulogized by his friend and coworker at Peterson Advertising.
More of Wolf Blitzer's Actual Tweets
CNN host Wolf Blitzer is still allowed to use twitter for some reason.
Update on Our Fully Gender-Inclusive Bathrooms
Friendr CEO Tamt Hiccum details the inclusive changes to the company bathrooms and signage.
Call to Action: Join the George Zimmerman Legal Defense Fund
An unjustly accused man is currently facing false charges. PLEASE help George Zimmerman's defense.
2052: Instructions for Grandpa to Get Onto the Datarealm
That datarealm kit we got your grandpa for Christmas is gathering dust. Can you help him set it up, Juztyn?
Updates on the Mirlande Wilson Mega Millions ARG
Mysterious, self-proclaimed Mega Millions winner Mirlande Wilson continues to release information about her ongoing ARG.
GORSKFUNDR: FUND PROJECT! (Part 5)
#1 strengthsman of USA and world is back to provide info about his new service to crowd fund projects.
Trayvon's Reefer Madness
Weed-crazed hoodie thug and effing goon Trayvon Martin's death was definitely a tragedy, but........
This Data Center is Now Under My Protection
Full data protection. Ready to engage anyone or anything (zombies???) that threatens my data center and your data.
The Reificant: Reprise (Part 8)
The Reificant prequel to Liminal States reaches its conclusion.
The Hunger Guides: Your Guide to Hunger Games Guides
Have you been wondering where to find guides about the Hunger Games? No? Alright, nevermind.
Euphemisms: "Work"
Euphemisms abound. It's a dirty job and there's gotta be a phrase to describe it.
The Reificant: Urge (Part 7)
The Reificant explores a collapsing city-island and discovers a sinister presence within the water in this penultimate installment.
Hunting Emos in Sadr City
The only good emo is a dead emo? No, they only become more powerful in death.
The Reificant: Exile (Part 6)
The Reificant concocts a dangerous scheme to thwart the spread of the water.
UNIVERSE: Solar Storm
Have you experienced the majestic wonderment of a solar storm?
Alright, Girls, Here's What You're Allowed to Do
The pleas of girls everywhere are answered: a man is here to tell you what you are allowed to do.
The Reificant: Brave (Part 5)
The Reificant finds more life and attempts to thwart the mysterious water.
1UP Video Game SWAT
Our friends at 1UP provide fodder for this special homage edition of video game Fashion SWAT.
The Reificant: Warning (Part 4)
The Reificant endures a very inhospitable place and attempts to warn the inhabitants of impending danger.
Facebook's Latest Censorship Guidelines Revealed
Detailed updates to Facebook's abuse policy skew towards protecting Ataturk.
Hey, Science, Can We Slow Down the Rush to Dystopia?
Could scientists stop dreaming up new ways to hasten our descent into nightmare reality? At least slow it down.
The Reificant: Panorama (Part 3)
The reificant experiences the brutal and cold places touched by the water only to find a more horrible truth near to home.
Dave Mustaine Endorses for President
Megadeth guitarist Dave Mustaine finally makes his pick and endorses for President 2012.
Reddit Bids a Reluctant Farewell to Sexy Children
The complete saga of the SA Forums and their crusade against reddit's child porn.
The Reificant: Collapse (Part 2)
The story of the Reificant continues as its civilization falls into ruin.
Aliens Unlimited: Galaxy Guide (1997)
Steve and Zack encounter unknown creatures in Palladium's guide to Aliens Unlimited.
Mitt Romney, Please Shut Up About the Olympics
Mitt Romney is given a crash course in shutting the hell up about saving the 2002 Winter Olympics.
The Reificant: Battle (Part 1)
Let the Reificant's story be a warning. Let its fall prevent your own.
Susan G. Komen: Always the Worst
From KFC breast cancer buckets to bullying small charities, Susan G. Komen has never been good.
The TV Shows That Died Young
Celebrate the demise of Work It with a look back at some of our favorite short-lived TV shows.
UMMM Excuse Me CDC But My Baby Caught Morgellons From Your Rubella Vaccine
MorgellonsMom has a daughter with Morgellons and a family wracked with vaccine-related illness and she will not be silenced by the CDC.
Dungeons & Dragons Module B1: "In Search of the Unknown" - Part 2
The shocking conclusion of Steve and Zack's run of D&D Module B1: In Search of the Unknown.
Japan Ruined My Whopper
Lunch is ruined by the contents of a box of unusual condiments from Japan.
Euphemisms: "Blogging"
A series of helpful euphemisms for you to use to describe your blogging activities.
Dungeons & Dragons Module B1: "In Search of the Unknown" - Part 1
Steve and Zack take on module B2: In Search of the Unknown with Steve playing a level 3 gypsy.
Don't Blame PB-11s for All These Droid Attacks, It's the Owner's Fault
One man argues that other models of droid are just as dangerous as his PB-11 helper droid.
In Fifty Years Everything Will Be Video Games
Will a technological singularity create a new intelligence or will we die farting up our sweatpants and playing Call of Duty?
I Won't Be Descriminated Against, American Girl Doll
I am a 1/16th Cherokee Indian Dad's Rights crusader and I resent the way you have treated me as a second class citizen when I visited American Girl Place in Chicago this weekend.
Rick Santorum's Sex-Haunted World
Rick Santorum is a likable, down-home, real American guy who is terrified of and really mad about sex.
The Weirdest Super Teams of 1989 (Marvel Superhoes)
Steve and Zack combine their powers and look at the strangest Marvel super teams of 1989.
The World's Longest Fingernails or: I Wrote a New Book
If you enjoyed my fiction in the past, you may enjoy the weird, disgusting world of my new novel, LIMINAL STATES.
