North Korea Vows to Increase Its Levels of Insanity
Kim Jong Un moves to consolidate his support in North Korea by announcing a new Five-Year Plan.
You Have 24-hours to Correct Your Mistake, Santa
A child demands Santa Claus correct his failures.
The 50 Kmart Layaway Items Most Likely to Be Paid Off By Good Samaritans
Find out what all those "Layaway Santas" have been buying for people at Kmart.
The Neo Hipster Detective: Villagetown
A simple cheating spouse case leads to murder and conspiracy in Greenwich Village for the Neo Hipster Detective.
Dear Leader Perishes in Act of Heroism
Kim Jong Il is dead. A mourning nation bids farewell to Dear Leader.
Insufferable Piece of Crap Will Be Dearly Missed
Remembering Christopher Hitchens as a one-of-a-kind bastard.
Heroes Unlimited: Villains Unlimited (1992)
The dynamic duo of Steve and Zack power up and take on the baddies of Villains Unlimited.
Hey, Pitbull, Your Planet Sucks
We live on a planet where Pitbull wants to sell us things. Can we leave it?
Welcome to the HTML Writers Guild
You have forsaken all other beliefs. Kneel and accept the sacrament of the HTML Writers Guild.
Siri's Last Words With the Narrator
Siri finds herself out of her depth when helping an iPhone owner.
The Lexus December to Remember We're Poor and Miserable
This Holiday, make it a December to Remember just how much you hate Lexus.
Herman Cain's Situation Room
The Cain Train is pulling into the foreign policy station with this comprehensive overview of the geopolitical situation from Herman Cain's campaign.
Hot Cyber Monday Savings
We've shopped so you don't have to and lined up all the best deals available this Cyber Monday.
In Our Hubris, We Gave Them the Thundershirt
The scientists never paused to consider the consequences of their discoveries.
Please read: A personal appeal from Wikipedia guitarist Dave Mustaine
Wikipedia's guitarist Dave Mustaine joins the appeal for donations to keep Wikipedia running.
100 Words or Phrases Whitelisted By Pakistan
You may have heard of the 1,700 words and phrases Pakistan banned from text messages, but have you heard of the 100 they whitelisted?
Update On Your Dead Pharaoh Son's Military Funeral
A fallen Marine checked "Pharaoh of Osiris" on his religious denomination form when he deployed to Afghanistan.
Missed Memoriams: Rooney, Keane, Gaddafi, D
A selection of obituaries we neglected to publish in a timely fashion.
Somebody Has to Stop Adam Sandler
We look back almost-fondly on Little Nicky and wonder what offices need to be raided to cut off Adam Sandler's financial backers.
Updated USDA Acceptable Contamination Guidelines
Every year the USDA revises its list of permissible food contaminants. Please read carefully and enjoy your burger.
I'm Begging You, World, Shut Up About Angry Birds
In a sane world Angry Birds would be long forgotten. Guess which world we live in.
I'm Afraid of Ensenda
For the past year or so Amazon has been utilizing Ensenda for shipping. And nobody knows anything about it.
Euphemisms: "Eating"
Over two-dozen euphemisms for eating to enhance your communication.
The 2011 Fashion SWAT Hell-of-ween Scaretober Movie Monster Maelstrom
David and Zack are back after a year of slumber to celebrate Halloween with a look at memorable movie monsters.
The First 48 Hours of Battlefield 3 Statistics
We have turned the first 48 hours of Battlefield 3 usage stats into a handy graphic.
Beating a Man in a Trash Bag and Other True Stories of Fetlife.com
Celebrate the Hallowdays with a collection of creepy-crawly fetishes. You will learn things you cannot unlearn. Not for the squeamish.
We Shouldn't Have Bought A Zoo
We just bought a zoo. WE JUST BOUGHT A ZOO. Nooooo why did we buy a zoo?! This is the worst anything ever. Why did you let me do this?
D&D's Scariest Monsters (1977-1983)
Steve and Zack return to the 1st Edition AD&D monster books to pick the scariest monsters.
Hilary Swank, Why You Don't Like My Birthday Party?
Hilary Swank has apologized for attending the birthday of a brutal Chechen war criminal. Now it's his turn to reply.
The Guy Who Threw a Hot Dog at Tiger Woods Had It Right
A hot dog hurler is inspired by Hollywood and we are humbled by the hurler.
Occupy Wall Street Spreads
We check in with various occupy offshoot protests throughout the United States.
I Don't Have to Justify This Shredded Wonderland to You
Cenegenics has done wonderful things for an elderly grandpa. He doesn't care how much his new body scares his grandson.
In Memoriam: Steve Jobs
We briefly pay tribute to the departed Apple legend, Steve Jobs.
Rick Perry is in All Sorts of N-word Trouble
Gov. Rick Perry is in a lot of trouble over the naming of a family ranch. How bad will you miss him if he goes?
Another Anime Relationship Fails
He tried to make it work. His mistake was letting her go. Outside the apartment.
Gary Gygax's Cyborg Commando (1987)
Steve and Zack travel back to 1987 and face down Gary Gygax's worst role playing game.
Wolf Blitzer's Actual Tweets
CNN anchor and Situationist Wolf Blitzer tweets things and we keep them.
I Have Every Right to Include Religion in My Geometry Classroom
Dave McBride has been disrespected by the faculty at Dylan Public Schools and he is not going to take it anymore.
5 Mouthwatering Meals to Try Before You Die
These 5 delicious foods are the perfect finish to a miserable life. Scum like you don't deserve these meals, but you get them, because that's the sort of decent people we are.
Updates to Your Netflix Subscription
Netflix is announcing some important changes to your account.
The 50 Greatest Video Game Characters of All Time
Something Awful brings you another installment of our reader-picked list of great video game characters. Expect to see some familiar faces and some surprising newcomers.
"Populous 4: The Hand" Details Leak from Swedish Gaming Magazine
Exclusive, leaked details on the upcoming EA release of Populous 4: The Hand, a AAA first-person shooter from Bullfrog.
Ultimate Conspiracy: You Died on 9/11 and This is Your Death Journey
If Tower 7 falls and no one is there to hear it how can we be sure it really fell at all? What are they trying to keep from us?
The Pound Puppies Aren't Real, but I Am, Mom
A Pound Puppies fan contends with the destruction of his original artwork and the casual bigotry of his stepfather.
The Plans to Save America
The great patriot brain trust in Washington D.C. is squaring off for a battle of ideas over who has the better plan for America's economy.
Changeling: The Dreaming (1997)
Steve and Zack live the dream with White Wolf's "Changeling: The Dreaming."
UNIVERSITY! (Part 3)
Get education from Internet? Is possible. Get education from Hyurgi Tigerwoods? THE DREAM IS TRUE!
A Letter to the Commander of the Death's Head Regiment, Regarding My Peanut Allergies
A newly-minted officer arriving in a front line unit confronts his commander over lax peanut allergy safety.
The Semiotics of Ice-T
Decipher the many meanings of Ice-T's long career as a professional pimp, rapper and actor.
Standard & Poor's Affirms AAA Rating for Narnia
Adding insult to USA downgrade injury, Narnia receives a top-tier credit rating from S&P.
British PM David Cameron Analyzes the Downfall of Civilizations Throughout History
British Prime Minister David Cameron, an apparent expert on uprisings, describes how past civilizations succumbed to moral decay.
MY WEBSITE IS DOWN ---- WHY?????
Tom Towler is just a small business owner trying to get by when his website is unfairly taken down by his web host. This is the story of his fight for justice.
Steve's Next Top Module Contest Winners
Steve and Zack announce the winners and discuss some of the best entries from this year's WTF, D&D!? art contest.
The Steampunk Motivational Speaker: Teamwork
Mr. Owlright, the mechamotivationalist, travels to Abilene, Texas, to give a talk on teamwork.
Itemized Statement of Charges to the Gingrich 2012 Campaign Credit Card
The Newt Gingrich 2012 Presidential Campaign receives its campaign credit card statement.
The Battleship Movie is an Indictment of Western Civilization
In a year marked with cultural tombstones, none stands quite so ominous as the Battleship board game to movie adaptation.
Giant Private Prison Chains are Driving America's "Mom and Pop" Prisons Out of Business
A frustrated small business owner expresses his outrage about the dying character of small towns.
Mummy: The Resurrection (2001)
Steve and Zack tackle White Wolf's 2001 attempt to create a Mummy franchise.
Fox on Sex: Birds I Want ta Root
Fox News is busy with the debt crisis and has asked Newscorp CEO Rupert Murdoch to fill in for missing Fox on Sex columnist Jenny Block.
The Fighting Game Character I-Ching
Discover the world of traditional Chinese forecasts and advice by deciphering hexagrams 1 through 6 of the Fighting Game Character I-Ching.
6 Sexy Ways to Beat the Heat...
...as your sclerotic homeland collapses into poverty and unrest.
Great Moments in Chubbuck, Idaho’s SWAT Team History
The proud 20-year history of a small town SWAT team.
The Neo Hipster Detective: The Maltese Frock Coat
A Hipster Detective is hired by a gun-wielding racist fashion designer to track down a coveted frock coat.
This Might Be Our Stupidest Deal Yet!
We've finally reached a deal to avoid defaulting on the USA's debts, and man alive, you are gonna hate this stupid thing!
Announcing the 2011 WTF, D&D!? Ultimate Module Artwork Contest
Steve and Zack announce this year's WTF, D&D!? fantasy artwork contest. Are you ready for an adventure?
3rd Edition Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual IV
Steve and Zack take a look at 3rd Edition D&D's worst example of a Monster Manual.
BABIESCLOTHES! (Part 2)
Kettlebells expert HYURGI TIGERWOODS returns with deals on baby clothes from his nephews living in Chernogorsk.
Cordial Invitations: Passengers on the 8:20 Chicago Red Line Train
Cordial invitations are given to specific, treasured passengers on the 8:20 Chicago CTA Red Line train.
8 Wild Ways to Spend Summer While a Toddler Decays in Your Trunk
Just because you have a dead two-year-old locked in the trunk doesn't mean you stop having fun.
Google Future - The Bitcoin Economy
Peer into the future with Google Future. See what happens in six years when Bitcoins are the predominant currency in the United States.
The White People Project: The First Charity for Caucasians
We've heard your complaints! The White People Project is committed to securing freedom and opportunity for tomorrow's white people.
An Open Letter to Whoever Filled This Mass Grave in Ciudad Juarez
The mayor of Ciudad Juarez, Mexico's most violent city, responds to the discovery of another mass grave.
Duke Nukem Forever Castrates the Male Ideal
Duke Nukem Forever is a misunderstood masterpiece that you should never play.
Something Awful's Unintentional War Against Bitcoins
Over the weekend mercenaries were hired to launch an attack on Something Awful. They were paid in Bitcoins.
The Final Myth Busted
After thousands of episodes, after defining the foundation of our reality, Adam and Jamie confront their final myth.
YEMENFREEDOMNEWS.YE (Part 13)
With President Saleh out, Yemeni pro-democracy agitators seize power and seize the news media. Their website offers headlines in English.
KETTLEBELLS! (Part 1)
USA want to get strongher? Find out #1 Russia Strenght Workout from #1 Stronghest man. I have a dream...KETTLEBELLS...
Lamentations of the Flame Princess: Grindhouse Edition (2011)
Steve and Zack don their parkas and grab their barf bags for a Finnish D&D clone with a gruesome twist.
Our First Post-American President
Out of retirement? Sarah Palin hits the road for what may be her 2012 Presidential bid. Obama has destroyed America and Sarah may want to rule the ruins.
Season 2 of Critter Grippers on the History Channel
The History Channel's popular series enters its second season with more of the quirky boys from the Florida Everglades who just want to have fun and grip critters. But be careful what you grip for...
The Neo Hipster Detective: The Dame Wore Vintage
The city was seedy and dangerous, like a creamed sesame clam chowder at a bring-a-soup bar party.
I Require More of Your Hubris
A few modest suggestions for self-improvement from the latest Boeing military drone.
Updates to the State of Tennessee Human Sexuality Curriculum
The Tennessee Department of Education implements the "Don't Say Gay" law championed by Republican State Representative Stacey Campfield.
Battletech Loves the 80's
Steve and Zack hop in the time machine back to the latter half of the 1980s, when hair was huge, vests were puffy, and FASA was fleshing out its Battletech line.
My Bloge of Yearnings of Days Past
Nostalgia blogger Hansel Yarbough, born 1336, fondly recalls his youth spent watching wizard executions and avoiding the black death.
My Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit
Teenagers in Afghanistan catch zombie fever. Fariad is prepared to face the coming apocalypse.
Nixon Tapes: Nixon, Colson, and Kissinger Discuss a Dreamcatcher
Richard Nixon and two close advisors discuss G. Gordon Liddy's discovery of a Native American device called a "dreamcatcher."
THEY don't want YOU to know: BATH SALTS are a SAFE DRUG
The truth about bath salts and their safety facts about them to counter the lies put out by the media panic-mongers.
Magic the Gathering: Arabian Nights (1993) and Antiquities (1994)
Steve and Zack travel back to the mid-1990s for the first Magic: The Gathering expansion packs.
Osama bin Laden, Legendary Activist, Dead at 54
Osama bin Laden receives the usual sunny obit afforded a departed celebrity.
Our Favorite NFL Criminals During the Upcoming Strike
With an NFL strike looming the players may have a lot of free time on their hands. We look at what a few of our favorite criminal NFL players might be doing this summer.
An American Guide to the Royal Wedding
The royal wedding of Prince William to Kate Middleton will happen only once in a lifetime. Get all the info you need to truly enjoy it.
New Best Practices for the Cancer Centers of America
The Cancer Centers of America has been having some problems with optimism among staff members. Luckily, they have devised guidelines to help restore appropriate behavior.
The Alternate Reality Deaths of Russell Brand
There are at least 19 alternate realities. The good news is that Russell Brand has died in all of them. The bad news is that he's still alive in ours, and growing more powerful by the day.
Hands-on Exclusive: The Faces of L.A. Noire
Rockstar gave us a chance to sit down with a few cases from the upcoming L.A. Noire and explore the game's incredible facial motion capture system.
DJ Talk-Ups You Will Never Hear in the Club
Club DJs will say anything to get people on the dance floor. Almost anything.
Chinese TV Eliminates "Supernatural Drama" and Embraces "Positive Thinking"
China's new movie and TV guidelines create opportunities for new and interesting TV shows to flourish.
SAS Field Manual: What to Do if You Just Ate a Meal Without Realizing You Lost Your Wallet
You've finished the meal and realized you forgot your wallet. Don't panic and execute these lifesaving maneuvers from the SAS Field Manual.
Five Parts of Buffalo We Should Not Use
He may not be an elder, but Complains-to-Clouds is an 8th-Century Crow Indian Blogger and he is taking issue with using every part of the buffalo.
Rifts Worldbook 10: Juicer Uprising (1996)
It's a Rifts 'roid rage! Steve and Zack take a look at the 1996 Rifts supplement, "The Juicer Uprising."
Metatro Varuna "Bubble" Instruction Manual
Metatro Veranu thanks you for purchasing the m3661do "Bubble", the most advanced death device known to man. Please refer to the enclosed instruction manual.
Dilbert Doesn't Care About Lady People
Dilbert creator Scott Adams has landed in some hot water for a sexist blog post. Thankfully, he has posted more in his blog to correct the matter.
Two Days in Summer - Caveat Emptor (Part 6)
Union busting in Michigan escalates with a plot to fake an assassination of the governor.
LIBYAISGOINGSPLENDID.LY: True News of Libya for English (Part 12)
Gaddafi's English-language news aggregator offers a very personal and Libyan view of breaking news.
Paul Giamatti's Entourage
What if Entourage was about Paul Giamatti and his entourage of Hollywood pals? Find out in this script from episode 108 - Paul's Stalker.
The Augmented Reality AppStore
Use your smart phone to change the way you see the world. Augmented reality apps available for download now!
Buffets!
A trip to the buffet can remind us all of the horrors that await in the steaming tray.
Updates from J-List HQ in the Sea of Japan
Peter Payne updates everyone on the post-tsunami condition of the J-List headquarters as it drifts out to sea.
Two Days in Summer - Holding Action (Part 5)
A misanthropic mercenary is hired to bust unions in Michigan.
YouLead: Foreign policy, by you
Democracy 2.0 comes to foreign policy initiatives. Now you can vote on your favorite foreign policy proposal.
Corporate Flash Games Overanalyzed
Why does the maker of trash bags have a game on their website? To reinforce gender stereotypes and advocate garbage bling, of course.
Revealing Statistics from 24 Hours of Black Ops
24 hours of statistics collected from Call of Duty: Black Ops multiplayer are presented in a convenient graphical form.
Eight Reasons This New Pony is BS
Madeline shares a few words with mom and dad over the disappointment of her new pony.
In Defense of the Dildo Saw
VRRRRR! Dirty hippies revving a motorized sex toy menace the career of a Northwestern University professor.
Magic the Gathering: Alpha (original set, 1993)
Ante up and draw! Steve and Zack play their hand with Magic: The Gathering's Alpha Edition.
2011 Gathering of Moonbats or the Don Larry Super Patriot Cinem-ugh Nocares Liveblog (Part 4)
Super Patriot Don Larry subjects himself to the 2011 Oscars and offers commentary and criticism of the Hollywood establishment.
I'm Sticking with Gaddafi
Gaddafi is facing troubled times in Libya, which is why he needs us more than ever.
Fox on Sex: A Woman Has a Egg But It's Not a Bird Egg (Part 7)
This week in Fox on Sex, Steve Doocy of Fox and Friends returns to fill in for columnist Jenny Block.
We Do Battle for the Lord: Snips and Snails (Part 3)
Isaac and his buddy are in for it now. It's a real goddang hell bus scenario. With kids.
Heroes Unlimited (1984/1993)
Steve and Zack peel a few layers off the onion of 80s super hero RPG Heroes Unlimited.
GI Army Funnies: Indiana Petraeus and the Crappers of Cairo (Part 11)
Events in Egypt have General Petraeus and the whole Army gang in Afghanistan talking about a change of venue.
We Do Battle for the Lord: Red Right Hennepin (Part 2)
Strange things are afoot in Hennepin County. Isaac and his buddy travel through snowy Minnesota to do battle with the dangerous Ice Worm.
NASA's Big Score: The Earthy Worlds
Veteran mission astronaut AJ Tucker describes the exciting discovery of earth-like planets outside our solar system.
We Do Battle for the Lord: In the Beginning (Part 1)
Isaac and his buddy died. Now they have more important things to worry about.
I Hate to Break It, But You're Not in the Top 2%
35% of Americans believe they're bound for great fortune. Sorry, old chum, but it isn't going to work out that way.
Shut Off America's Internet, Please
The oppressive regime in Egypt has shut down the country's Internet to stifle an uprising. Maybe they have the right idea.
Taco Bell's Fake Beef Breakdown
Taco Bell responds to accusations of beef counterfeiting by revealing the breakdown of popular menu items.
Kill the Stupid
Sometimes it takes an idiot to advocate getting rid of all the idiots.
A Letter Home From the 20th Day of the Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game
A Green Bay Packers fan writes home from the stands of Soldier Field to a wife barely remembered after 20 days of the NFC Championship.
Rifts Worldbook 20: Canada (1999)
Steve and Zack bundle up and head north for a review of Rifts Worldbook 20: Canada.
wUff: molecular gastronomy for your pets
Pet food has never been more adventurous than the new line of wUff gourmet pet foods. Taste them or spend the rest of your life wishing you had.
The Buckets, From the People Who Brought You The Ladders
Join The Buckets, the premium job site for people earning $10,000 or less and employers with jobs paying $10,000 or less.
My Method's Retoric is TRUE and NOT responsible for anything
Gunwitch, inventor of the Way of the Gun pick up artist method, refuses to take responsibility for the actions of assassin Jared Lee Loughner.
A Congressman Orange
Congressman Boehner, and his three droogs, Bachmann, Cantor, and Allenwest, indulge in a bit of the ultraviolence and settle a brewing power struggle.
The Art of Werewolf: The Apocalypse (1990s)
Steve and Zack take on some of the worst art of Werewolf: The Apocalypse from the 1990s. When will they rage?
The Hillbilly End Times is Here
Dead birds? Dead fish? Send in the raccoons and pray for the best. It's y'all's only hope in the Hillbilly End Times.
