SkyMall Product Reviews: HoodiePillow Hooded Pillowcase (Part 28)
Love it! This works better than my old method of awkwardly squeezing my head and torso into a pillowcase, especially since I often got stuck or lost circulation in my limbs/head.
Memos from Bear Cave: Broth of Woe (Part 17)
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
10 Upcoming Summer Fashion Trends for 2013
Before I get to the list of the summer fashion trends you're sure to see in 2013, we should probably address the elephant in the room. Yes, it's a tiny bit late. It's practically still summer in some places, so everything here is 100% applicable and prescient
SkyMall Product Reviews: Single-Handed Barber (Part 27)
I’ve been using this thing on my dog and I’ve got him smooth as a marble. It’s getting harder to coax him out of the closet he’s been hiding in, but he’s never been sleeker. Wish I could get the hair underneath his skin, that’s what’s driving me crazy. Sooner or later I’ll get that too.
PLENTY OF DOGS (Part 21)
GONADS GALORE - this pooch is 90% gonads, 10% dog. Not the best ratio for a family with small children who ask a lot of questions. Perfect for you? Let’s talk gonads. 555-9231
Spout.ly: October’s Sour Sips (Part 7)
Came to identify a body. Noticed this fountain in the corner and decided to help myself. The experience was so awful it soured the rest of my day. There was mold all over the spigot, and a heavy buildup of hardened phlegm inside. I felt terrible knowing my son's corpse was sitting so close to such a miserable excuse for a fountain.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Faux Tattoo Men’s T-Shirt (Part 26)
I got this for a costume party, but felt so good wearing it I haven't taken it off yet, and the party was weeks ago. People now call me "that weird shirt guy" and sometimes just "him." Feel like I'm making a real name for myself now!
SkyMall Product Reviews: FaceTrainer by no!no! (Part 25)
Idiotic product for idiotic people. Putting your face in a mask isn't going to make you look younger. If you want to look younger, you have to use science, and science is crystals and magnets. Wake up me when you figure out a way to put my head in a crystal and bombard it with magnetic rays.
Celebrity Stalker: Summer 2013 Spots (Part 14)
Saw Miley Cyrus outside posh restaurant Naboo hocking big loogies all over the place. They were like big slimy owl pellets and my friend poked one with a stick, then we ran.
Spout.ly: August’s Hot Sips (Part 6)
This is one steamy fountain. The locker room girls can be real pests, whipping you with towels and calling you a pervert, or trying way too hard to get your attention. Just ignore 'em, because the water here is the real attraction. Perfect flowing fountain with a clean sip. The basin drainage is a thing to marvel at.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Skull Sculpture (Part 24)
BROKE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. Like within five minutes of taking it out of the box and having my brother in law Shaun throw it at head, the thing was on the floor in a million pieces. Thanks for all the dumb skull pieces, SkyMall. Real scary.
THRONGS OF DOGS (Part 20)
UNBELIEVABLE DEAL! This rare set of Russian nesting dogs is a sight to behold, delivering hours of joy as you find increasingly smaller dogs inside each other. Call for OUTRAGEOUS quote. 555-1124
Memos from Bear Cave: The Taste of Treachery (Part 16)
I HAVE BEEN A MODEL BOSS. I removed all the raccoons and possums from the soup vats. There's no more yowling to distract you from work. I have reintroduced rats into our intricate ecosystem to keep insects from contaminating our soups. Finally, I have managed to purge the last of the rockabillies from our ventilation ducts and soupyards.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Bob Marley T-Shirts (Part 23)
I recently got into T-shirts and have been buying as many as I can. They are comfortable and do a great job keeping you cool in the summer, allowing your arms to breathe. I don’t know who this Bob Marley fellow is, but if he endorses T-shirts, he’s got the right idea. Put on a t-shirt. You won’t regret it, buddy.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Enormous African Elephant (Part 22)
This is literally the absolute perfect addition to my tar pit. It's been driving me nuts seeing that tar pit sit empty all these years. Thank you SkyMall. Now I can start having ladies over to the place again.
Spout.ly: June's Sour Sips (Part 5)
"There are two fountains here, one lower for persons in wheelchairs, one higher for persons not in wheelchairs. The taller one has an entire raw chicken impaled on the bubbler. I got sick after lapping up the water that oozed out from the chicken's pores." -HydraDad
Mother, there is no other, so treat her right (Part 22)
Mother's Day is just around the corner, and that means you're an awful child because you haven't purchased a gift yet. Don't despair! Bradford Exchange, the SkyMall of the trailer park set, has put together a large assortment of gifts that could, in theory, be presented to a lady who birthed you.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Nano-UV Wand (Part 21)
IS IT WORKING? I've spent about three hours just running it back and forth over a carrot, hoping it would give me some indication when the carrot was safe to eat. I’ll keep running it over the carrot until I get a response. Some kind of progress bar or robotic voice saying something like "WARNING! FECES DETECTED" would be great.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Spray Away Animal Repellent (Part 20)
Pointless. The "sensor" gizmo is not smart enough to differentiate between common bird species. SkyMall, please let me know when you develop a product that can specifically target the nervous systems of birds I don't like. I've got some rude characters in my yard, and I want them to suffer for what they've done.
P.B. Fouke Has Done the Unthinkable (Part 27)
I must warn the more sensitive among you that the particulars of my crime are not for the faint of heart. The words that follow are a graphic account of the incident, and they may leave you feeling weak of stomach. Let me also state, as a courtesy to my business associates, that I alone am accountable.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Pugz Shoes for Dogs (Part 19)
We decided these shoes were not ideal and shipped them back. By mistake we shipped them back with the dog still wearing them. WE HAVE BEEN ON THE HORN WITH SKYMALL FOR DAYS TRYING TO GET OUR DOG BACK but they have no records of getting her. AT LEAST GIVE US A REFUND, JERKS!!!!
I'll Do Anything for a Fiverr
Like many people, I have squandered my life going to an office, sitting at a desk and staring at a dumb monitor all day. I'm sick of the grind and sick of being just another fat cog in the machine. So I quit. I'm giving all that up to focus on making an easy living using Fiverr.com.
Spout.ly February Hot Sips (Part 4)
February has proven especially thirst-quenching for Shaggy Butte's fountain aficionados, with a spate of new arrivals and new discoveries bringing in some much-needed freshness.
SkyMall Product Reviews: Home Cellulite Smoother (Part 18)
DOES NOT WORK AS ADVERTISED. Thought it would smooth out my fat, but all it did was move it to the right side of my body. Now I'm debilitatingly asymmetrical and can no longer hold down gainful employment as a toll booth operator.
Memos from Bear Cave: General Complaints (Part 15)
Lip smacking. It's a goddamn epidemic here. I hear it through the walls. If you can't refrain from smacking your lips, you’re going to be getting awfully familiar with the heel of my boot.
Top Holodeck Programs
The following entries meet your request for “most popular holodeck programs plus large breasted alien bathhouse.”
