BarkWire.com Reviews: Artie (Part 14)
Artie could easily give the famous "Big Dog" of the Big Dogs clothing line a run for his money. This hardy fella is equal parts 'tude and heart. Artie is known to crank the radio all the way up to blast his favorite tunes, but then he's the kind of dog that always lives life at full volume.
Last Minute Holiday Gifts from the Bradford Exchange (Part 11)
It's time for another exciting voyage into the Bradford Exchange's catalog of horrible merchandise. This adventure features lamps, clocks, General Lee's inspiring leadership, Thomas Kinkade's House of Horrors, and the audacity of hope.
Let Me Tell You About My Vans
Anyone can own a van, but it takes a special kind of person to live in a van. I'm that kind of person. I ain't at home unless my sweaty skin is sticking to the vinyl seats. That's just your body's way of trying to hold on to something it likes.
SA Celebrity Stalker (Part 1)
Keeping track of the latest celebrity sightings submitted by our star-crazed readers.
Games & Toys Made Less Fun
All your favorite games and toys, minus the key ingredient: fun.
BiGDOG's Dog Blog: Bark If Ya Hear Me (Part 13)
Gotta say, BiGDOG is touched by the huge outpouring of support. I haven't been blogging much due to my ulcer, but I'M BACK. I'm back everywhere, baby! All those ninnies attempting to sit on my free speech rights have been put in their place. You can't put truth in the doghouse!
Retro Art Remixed (Part 2 of 2)
Art and advertising from the 1950s: now with 100% more murder, drugs, and depravity.
Expedition: Antarctica
We finally arrived! I'm with a team of amazing scientists in Antarctica, ready to do some groundbreaking research on global warming. I can remember back to my first day in college, when the world seemed so big and overwhelming. I knew I'd find my place eventually. Here I am, at the bottom of the world. But you know what? I feel on top of the world.
Retro Art Remixed (Part 1 of 2)
The art and advertising of the 1950s: now awesomer than ever.
Barkwire.com Dog Reviews: Bug (Part 12)
Little is known about this introverted dachshund. Bug likes to keep a low profile, and doesn't seem to like people getting too close or looking at him. In spite of his shyness, Bug has cultivated quite a following, with eager admirers hoping for a chance to pet and hold him. We here at BarkWire are definitely part of that following.
Kim Jong-Il is Definitely Still Living
Kim Jong-Il is in fact the opposite of dead.
A Letter From Latte Dad
First, if you're still upset about the divorce, you need to realize that your mother and I were never really very close. Remember that time you came downstairs when we were having that party and you asked why everyone put their keys in a bowl and we told you we were having a "car swapping party"? Well, that wasn't really about swapping cars.
Kim Jong-Il Lives!
The Dear Leader is definitely not dead, as proven by these pictures.
Children's Letters to Dracula
We stand now at the dawn of a new age, one of hope and change. To celebrate this great epoch in America's political history, we turn now to some completely unrelated correspondence between Dracula and his young fans.
Anime, Myself, and I (Part 4)
Why, Jerry, did you have to take pictures of my sweatpants and email them to my girlfriend? I told you that there would be intermittent bleeding while I recover and that there would be a viscous discharge as my inner thighs scab over. I also explained that because of the changes to my anatomy, I would have limited control over my sphincter.
I Address YOU, the Valued Fouke Customer (Part 16)
I am Eugene Cranford Fouke, cousin of the much-admired Philip Bond Fouke, who, at this tortured hour, is once again ill. I have spared no expense on his care and comfort, insisting Dr. F. Gerald Thornton labor by his side, constantly sponging the seep from his engorged cranium. Naturally, I am assuming control of this outfit until Philip recovers.
The Pie Situation as of October 15, 1988
Did you know that right now there are 25 unique varieties of pie in the world? Scientists, researchers, and independent adventurers have identified each of these 25 types. They have carefully arranged these pies on a chart using exact weights, measurements, and physical characteristics. A brief listing is as follows.
Post-Apocalyptic Movies
Mutants, radiation, cars, and guns collide in this loving tribute to post-apocalyptic cinema.
Anime Hospital (Part 3)
To be completely honest, Jerry, I was hoping that this medical crisis would spark the fires of reconciliation between us. What better to unite two ideological rivals than something as raw and sobering as a medical crisis? In the words of Legato from Trigun, "The greater the tragedy, the greater the emotional effect."
One Letter Off (Part 3)
All sorts of stuff turned upside-down by the changing of a single letter.
A Brief History of Skull Island
The captain observed the distant landmass through his trusty spyglass. It was dark, but the silhouette of the island stood out from the surrounding sea and cut a jagged hole in the night sky that blackened out any stars. "Skull's Island!" He cried out. "We're naming that island after me -- Captain Skull."
Election 2008: Fuzzy Surprises
Strange, furry, and adorable moments from the 2008 presidential campaign.
Barkwire.com Dog Reviews: El Craneo Negro (Part 11)
Ruthless and efficient, El Cráneo Negro is less a dog and more a force of nature. Since arriving in town, he has supplanted the dominate hierarchy, establishing himself as leader of the pack and instigating a wave of dog-sponsored terrorism on a scale never before seen in Shaggy Butte.
BiGDOG's DOG BLOG: Tellin' It Like It Is! (Part 10)
Just a quick update for you BiGDOG fans out there. I'm still battling the POWERS THAT BE over my unfair banning at BarkWire.com. Looks to me like those fascists have no intention of honoring the law. Guess they've never read the constitution? But then again, these are probably the same idiots throwing their votes away on McCain and Obama.
John McCain's Sacrifice
We need a strong leader, one unafraid to tackle the challenges of the 20th century with grit, wisdom, and, when no other option remains, military force. Folks, that strong leader is here among us. His name is John McCain and he has a remarkable story.
God Bless My Pets (Part 10)
I certainly don't need the busy hubbub of the modern world. No, sir, I don't need it at all. All I need are my pet themed collectibles. They remind me of all the good times I've had with my precious friends over these long, long years.
The Animorphosis (Part 2)
It hurts so bad right now, Jerry. I can feel my face rebuilding itself. My eyes are growing larger, finally able to see the world for what it is. And my chin, Jerry, which you once described as "a hairy scrotum full of ranch dressing and marbles," is now a sharp point. Like a blade.
Live Life on the Cob
I've looked over the figures. It's not good, people. Americans just don't care about corn. Gas prices are up and the economy is in the tank. Nobody wants to pay money for an unpopular food like corn. The problem isn't with consumers, the problem is with you. We can't change corn, but we can change the way people think about it.
There Can Be No Greater Friend Than P. B. Fouke (Part 15)
Trappers and shippers, I come before you with news of glory and triumph! So great is my satisfaction right now that I CAN SCARCELY FEEL THE SHARP PAIN IN MY SKULL THAT PLAGUES ME DAY AND NIGHT. The source of this unbridled joy: MY HEROIC RESCUE OF J. F. SWANTON FROM CERTAIN DEATH.
One Letter Off
See what amazing things can happen simply by changing, adding, or removing a single letter!
Tough Choices
Wizards are notorious for presenting you with tough hypothetical questions. How your respond may well define the rest of your life, if not make it unlivable entirely. To help you prepare, I have put together a listing of the most common wizard questions.
BiGDOG's DOG BLOG (Part 9)
BiGDOG delivers the lowdown on all the latest dog news and sets the record straight about his recent banning from BarkWire.com. You better come and sit, or BiGDOG's gonna smack your nose with a newspaper.
My Recollections of Gabbington
Oh, it has been so long since I last lived on Gabbington. Mum said we won't be going back anytime soon and that makes me ever so sad.
Barkwire.com Reviews: Vermin (Part 8)
Vermin, quite simply, is a mean and hateful dog. In the few short months since he arrived on the scene, he has caused nothing but misery and suffering for other dogs, dog owners, and dog lovers in general. Though his past is largely shrouded in legends and tall tales, one thing is for certain: Vermin is a force to be reckoned with.
Anagrammed Movies 3 (Part 1 of 2)
Tons of movie posters scrambled like eggs before your very eyes.
Return to Clownportal.com
Clownportal.com is the #1 cam portal site on the Internet, bringing members of the clown community together to laugh, make friends, and share what it means to be a clown in this modern era. It's not quite real life, but any closer and you would have pie in your face!
Fighting the Smears
A systematic debunking of all the smears plaguing Democratic nominee Barack Obama and his race to the White House.
Unnecessary Advertisements
Advertisements for all the things we taken for granted!
There's No "Us" in "Anime" (Part 1)
The growing conflict between me and Jerry comes to a head as I take a stand for myself and for my anime.
Adventures of the SA Support Robot
The adventures of the Something Awful Forums Support Robot!
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN, VOL. 7 (Part 7)
The NEWS MAGAZINE of the COMPUTER SCREEN returns with yet more riveting stories of the day! From the heartland to the fair coasts, to the deepest reaches of other continents, the SA REEL SERVICE goes where the stories are waiting to be told! Find out what is happening in YOUR WORLD TODAY!
Barkwire.com Reviews: Satire (Part 7)
Satire loves to surprise people with situations that challenge the conventional relationships between man and dog. Using the familiar as a blank canvas, he masterfully creates new and improbable scenarios with a rich palette all his own.
Decorating Hell (Part 9)
Having just moved, my grand plan is to fill my swingin' bachelor pad with merchandise from the Bradford Exchange, the premier source of things with eagles, wolves, Jesus, and dragons emblazoned on them. What better way to live than to be surrounded by the soaring symbols of America's pride, history, and ingenuity?
Josh's Wish List
Gentleladies and men, I am no stranger. You know me pretty well. I'm that guy who writes about dogs and hasn't had an original idea in roughly three years. We're practically a common law couple now. After all the times you suffered through my terrible updates for free, I feel like you owe me. You owe me a lot, okay?
Grandpa Rodeo '08
A goon asks his peers to fix up an old picture of his grandpa. They help in their own special way.
Me and that Falcon
I had never owned a falcon before, let alone conceived of owning one, but seeing that falcon filled my head with a million great ideas. Life would simply be better with a falcon at my side.
BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: Doublewide (Part 6)
Doublewide is as well known for his temper as he is for his appetite. He is rarely seen far from food, and is known to make a meal out of virtually anything. This vicious creature would prove more intimidating if not for his debilitating weight, which greatly diminishes his ability to give chase.
MormonAds
The wholesome wisdom of the Mormons corrupted by the Something Awful Goons.
Tips and Tricks, Vol. 2
A collection of helpful, handy, and thoroughly true tips & tricks certain to give you better odds of winning at the game of life.
Reverse Magazines
The magazine world turned sideways and held up to a funhouse mirror!
BarkWire.com Reviews: Noir (Part 5)
Noir is a bit of a mystery. Few people ever seem to get to spend more than a few hours with her. She is known for her aloof behavior and evasiveness, often avoiding people for as long as she can. But when she needs something, she knows how to play the role of man's best friend like no other.
Magic Nerd Adventures
A young man's voyage outside turns into an excuse to pretend to be a wizard.
P. B. Fouke Delivers Greatness (Part 13)
In the latest edition of the Trappers' Partner periodical and catalogue, beloved fur magnate P. B. Fouke shares the glorious news of his new beard and also reflects on the birth of his new son.
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN, VOL. 6 (Part 6)
The SA REEL SERVICE brings you the latest news happening in YOUR DYNAMIC WORLD! This reel brings you all the latest developments of note, from strange sightings and ghastly women to terrifying losses certain to KILL US ALL!
BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: Clumpy (Part 4)
Clumpy enjoys near legendary status with many college students, some even regarding him as a myth. He is far from fiction, though. I had the privilege of meeting Clumpy at a party in 2004, before his health started to decline. He was every bit the party animal the stories made him out to be.
To Hell with Me
I thought for sure I had a few decades left in me, but I guess that was just wishful thinking on my part. Had I known death was so imminent, I might have lived a better life and avoided pirating so many mp3s. The last place I imagined retiring was Hell.
Regarding Mr. Stormbeard's Negative Impact on the Neighborhood (Part 1)
An open letter to the Neighborhood Association regarding the behavior of Shady Vale's newest resident, Langall Stormbeard, on the subject of his unkempt yard and reckless use of sorcery.
Before and After Movies III
Startling new movies made from the severed limbs of other films!
BarkWire.com Dog Reviews (Part 3)
Promise has been one of Barkwire's top dogs for over a year. With looks that make most humans drool, she has no trouble stealing hearts and making waves. This angelic beauty has a winning personality and a strong love of children, which has made her a favorite of young girls everywhere.
Unlike My Opponent, Chapter Two (Part 2)
With the distinct aroma of politics in the air, I cannot help but feel obligated to run for office. Trust me when I say that it is not a false sense of entitlement that compels me, nor is it what Dr. Martin Luther King called the "fierce urgency of now." It is simply the knowledge that unlike my opponent...
BarkWire.com Dog Reviews (Part 2)
Senator made a name for himself with a series of negative encounters with many dog enthusiasts. When I went out to see for myself just what kind of dog Senator was, I was surprised to meet such a stunningly well behaved and friendly dog. He was very approachable, wagged his tail enthusiastically, and barked excitedly, though never too much.
On Etiquette and Good Behavior
A gentleman does not hire a disreputable robot to introduce him to a lady, nor does a gentleman hire a disreputable robot to accost a lady, so that he may suddenly appear in the guise of a hero and ward off the miscreant machine to win her favor.
BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: Rusty (Part 1)
Rusty is an interesting Golden Retriever. He's a bit of an odd one, and definitely a love-him-or-hate-him kind of dog. While I have had many good encounters with Rusty over the years, his personality can be kind of off-putting to some. He's very independent and has unusual dietary interests. Definitely has some hygiene issues though.
Art Crimes Against Humanity
The time has come, brave adventurer, to take another courageous journey into the vast dungeon depths of the Bradford Exchange! Together, we shall overcome the great evil that lurks there!
What's Beyond the Edge?
Ever wondered what was happening beyond the borders of a famous picture? Find out in this shocking exposé!
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN, VOL. 5 (Part 5)
The SA REEL SERVICE returns to bring you all the latest news happening in YOUR WORLD. This week's stories take us all the way from the high seas to the deepest reaches of the United States! Find out what is happening in YOUR AMERICA with the SA REEL SERVICE'S NEW MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN.
