Busytown Police Blotter for the Christmas Holiday (Part 4)
Busy Town Police Department is busy as ever this holiday season! Find out what's been going on in this modern metropolis!
Time Magazine's Person of the Year
An exciting look at everyone who didn't get to be Time Magazine's Person of the Year!
These are the Proclamations of Captain H. W. Grieves (Part 12)
Captain H. W. Grieves settles into his new job as a pin boy for a local bowling alley and looks to the future, mapping out his strategy for success and what must be done to achieve it.
Shopping Cart Safety Warnings
Important life lessons in the form of shopping cart safety warnings.
ADVENTURE PALACE
Thank you for great interest! Time and time again adult and child long for fun! Time again longing is gratified by going to ADVENTURE PALACE. The pamphlet in whose hands it now rests has given you key to ADVENTURE PALACE. You have found it! Or, perhaps, ADVENTURE PALACE has found you?
A Better World
A look at the world as it should be, with crazy transportation systems and fancy gadgets.
Day of the Clown
They came without warning. Slowly, they infiltrated society, taking our jobs, moving into our neighborhoods, running our cities. Before long, they were everywhere and there was nothing we could do. We were at their mercy.
An Open Letter to the Broads Working in My Mine
Beloved minemonger Hobart Harmchild addresses widespread incompetence amongst his female miners and pledges reform.
Anagrammed Video Games 2 (Part Two)
And now, the shocking conclusion to Anagrammed Video Games! Featuring oodles more mangled video games for your enjoyment.
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN, VOL. 4 (Part 4)
All the amazing news of the modern age, as brought to you by the SA REEL SERVICE! From ancient Egypt to the amazing future, this month's spectacular reel delivers thrills, chills, and frills!
Anagrammed Video Games 2 (Part One)
Video games and anagrams! The most dynamic combination since corned beef and cabbage!
What's New In Hell (Part 7)
Another exciting look into the world of terrible modern Americana as envisioned by deranged mutants and sold through lousy catalogs.
Magazine Mayhem 3 (Part Two)
Even more of the most terrifying magazines to ever hit the newsstands!
Reaching for the Great Beyond: Six Steps to Success
Did you know you can achieve personal success in six easy steps? What are these steps, you ask? The only way you can possibly find out is by loading up this article and doing whatever it takes to read it.
Magazine Mayhem 3 (Part One)
The most terrifying magazines to ever hit the newsstands.
This Man, His Corn
The touchingly idiotic story of one man in a giant field of corn and his struggle to understand what it is, and what it is doing to him.
Welcome to the DynaMars Corporation's Ares Station Update Service (Part 8)
The future's most powerful corporation continues to prove its excellence in the field of Martian terraforming and colonization.
Dungeons & Dragons Monsters
All your favorite Dungeons & Dragons monsters, naked and ready for action!
The Longest Day of My Half-Life
Excerpts from the diary of your average gamer patiently awaiting the release of Valve's Orange Box.
Modernized Art II
Classic art updated to reflect our modern way of life in all its horror.
P. B. Fouke Lives, Prospers & Apologizes! (Part 11)
P. B. Fouke, champion of the fur industry, returns from the brink of death to save the trade from certain doom, oust the mad Captain H. W. Grieves, re-unite his company, offer hitherto unheard of savings, and apologize for not being able to do enough for his hundreds of thousands of loyal customers.
Product Placements 2
Products are everywhere! In your TV, in your movies, in your life, and now in Phriday! Run!
Fall TV Preview
At long last our favorite television shows are coming home. As you sit waiting with open arms for the return of your long gone friends, I have prepared a guide telling you what to expect from each televised offering. This guide contains no spoilers, but still hates you nonetheless.
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN, VOL. 3 (Part 3)
All the amazing news of the modern age, as brought to you by the SA REEL SERVICE! From the deep seas to the highest peaks, this month's spectacular reel delivers startling words and images of your America and your world! Don't miss it!
The Falconry Stunt Index
FALC, the premiere magazine for young falconry and bird of prey enthusiasts, keeps constant track of the hottest stars in falconry and the top 20 movers and shakers in the world of falconry stunts.
Rapture Standard Classified Ads (Part 1)
A sampling of classified ads clipped from the pages of the Rapture Standard, the finest underwater newspaper in the world.
Cry of the Space World
The science fiction classic the world tried to forget.
MIGHTY EAGLE SOARING GOD BLESS AMERICA (Part 6)
A look at some of the finest quality eagle merchandise available for sale to discriminating consumers such as yourself. If you want to increase your patriotism, this update may well prove invaluable!
Grindhouse Breakfast
Trashy breakfast cereals unchained and willing to do anything to stay that way.
Boruff & Davies Catalogue Co.
Another look back at the old Boruff & Davies Catalogue Co. and the fine products it sold to extremely crazy people.
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN, VOL. 2 (Part 2)
All the latest happenings from around the world delivered to your computer screen through the marvel of INTERNET TECHNOLOGY!
Restaurant Reviews: Miguel's Taco Express
Restaurant reviews of Miguel's Taco Express, home the most hauntingly good taco ever conceived – if you can find it.
Man vs. Truth
Man vs. Wild, the popular Discovery Channel show pitting a deranged lunatic against nature, continues to garner criticism for its staged scenarios. The criticism reaches critical mass as I reveal even more secrets the evil puppet masters at the Discovery Channel didn't want you to know about Bear Grylls and his so-called survival techniques.
Pinball Pandemonium
The odd world of pinball made even odder by Internet ne'er-do-wells.
Before You is the Briefing of Captain H. W. Grieves (Part 10)
With P. B. Fouke out of commission due to a brain tumor, the brutal Captain H. W. Grieves takes control of the Fouke Fur Company and institutes harsh measures against mutineers and competitors.
Band Name Movies 3: Song Titles
Movie titles have callously disappeared, only to be replaced by song names! Read all about it here!
Gifts of the Damned and Stupid (Part 5)
A journey into AS SEEN ON TV catalog Hell and a review of the horrors found therein! Behold bathroom novelty gags, farting inanimate objects, and the decline of America.
Busytown Police Blotter (Part 3)
All the latest criminal happenings and police activities for Richard Scarry's Busy Town, the best town ever!
Classic Produce Labels II
The stars of agriculture are shining brighter than ever!
THE NEWS MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN! (Part 1)
All the latest happenings from around the world delivered to your computer screen through the marvel of INTERNET TECHNOLOGY!
Welcome to the DynaMars Corporation's Command Queue (Part 7)
A glimpse at the the DynaMars Corporation's Ares Station Command Queue and the important decisions facing the leader of the finest living and research colony on Mars.
P. B. Fouke Conducts Business for a Higher Purpose (Part 8)
P. B. Fouke responds to the competition, challenges them to pluck out their eyeballs, marries a beautiful woman, and welcomes his newest employee, Captain H. W. Grieves.
Spoiled Brats
I'm throwing mud in the eyes of anti-spoiler crybabies in the form of spoilers for many popular shows. Read and get hit in the face with mud!
Classic Comics V
Heaps of classic comic book covers remixed by Something Awful Goons.
It's Debatable
A brief discussion on the recent Democratic presidential debate, the magic it contained, the hopes it excreted, and the dreams it inspired.
Reality TV Through History
All the glory of history, good and bad, re-imagined through the lens of Reality TV.
Album Review: Dark Side of the Bith
A review of the new comeback album from the Outer Rim jizz band Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes.
Children's Books
A trip the children's section of the library for some fine educational material!
Boruff & Davies Catalogue Co.
A glimpse into the magical world of old and the everyday items people depended on for survival and comfort, as seen through the looking glass of mail order catalogs.
Mixed-up Power Sources
The wrong kind of power put in the wrong kind of hands putting the wrong kind of power sources in the wrong kind of things.
Dear Mr. Congress-Man (Part 2)
A concerned immigrant's letter to his congressman regarding hostile blimp activity and the fate of all mankind in the coming tribulation.
Classy Movies
All your favorite bad movies dress up all classy for a hot date on the town with your eyeballs!
It's All Happening at the Zoo
A pleasant look at some of the exciting and exotic creatures you'll find living at the average zoo, their mannerisms, and their hopes and dreams.
Grindhouse Movies
All your favorite movies remade in the great cinematic tradition of Grindhouse!
Live as Lightning is the Motto of P. B. Fouke (Part 6)
Philip Bond Fouke takes time away from running the most successful fur business in human history to set the record straight and reflect on the benefits of being a cyclops.
Mere Moments Before the End
The harrowing last moments of a doomed aristocrat, determined to enjoy the niceties of life before they are lost forever.
ULTRA SAUSAGEFEST 2K7
The Something Awful Forum Goons show what happens when you replace limbs with sausages. It's not as pretty as you would imagine, sadly.
The Message of P. B. Fouke is Heard! (Part 4)
P. B. Fouke, President and General Manager of the Fouke Fur Company, returns to mourn the passing of his wife, reflect on life, and talk more about his undying love of fur and the fur trade.
Transformers
Transformers are back! This week we take a look at some of the new ones coming out just in time to cash in on the upcoming live action movie.
Dear Mr. Congress-Man (Part 1)
A concerned citizen writes his congressman to discuss a most important matter of science.
Creative Uses for Classic Architecture
Classic architecture and overactive imaginations combine and make magic happen!
The Factoids of Life
Fascinating Facts that will give you in edge in the trivia battle that is life.
What the hell is in my food?
We've all had to suffer through the near unspeakable horror of finding a hair in our food, but what happens when you find something far worse? This week the Something Awful Forum Goons up the ante from mere breaded chicken heads, taking us to a realm of pure inedible terror.
U.S. Department of Barrels
Everything you ever wanted to know about Barrels of Fun but were too normal to ask or even consider.
Dude, Where's Your Ride?
The dastardly Something Awful Forum Goons steal cars, bikes, and more out from under unsuspecting passengers.
They Are Called Clawmen
The most chilling and terrifying science fiction story about giant alien robots with claws attacking Earth yet written.
TV Movies
This week the Something Awful Forum Goons take some classic (and not so classic) TV shows and cartoons and turn them into cinematic masterpieces.
Barn Standards for 2007
Important requirements for creating the perfect barn finally released to the public.
History Lesson: the 5-H Club
The tragic and forgotten story of the 5-H Club, chief rival of 4-H, is told at long last.
Animal Anomalies 5 (Part 2)
The shocking conclusion of Animal Anomalies 5! See horrifying monsters that are cute, cuddly, and terrifying all the same!
Boruff & Davies Catalogue Co.
A page recovered from the classic Boruff & Davies Catalogue Co.'s famed catalogue, which marketed all manner of essential items to the common man at reasonable prices.
Animal Anomalies 5 (Part 1)
The Something Awful Forum Goons create images of terrifying and adorable mutant hybrids for another edition of the Animal Anomalies series.
Welcome to Fat Jerk City
Psychologists reveal that college students are narcissists, thus forever sullying the name of higher education and inadvertently dooming the practice of psychology in the process.
Album Movies
The Something Awful Forum Goons replace movie titles with appropriate album titles, creating a little something called magic.
The Promise of P. B. Fouke is Indefatigable (Part 3)
Fouke Fur Co. President P. B. Fouke responds to his lecherous rival, J. F. Swanton, pledges to be even more honorable to his customers, and places a bounty on his beard.
Epic Movies
The Something Awful Forum Goons whip up a whole slew of "epic movies," featuring terrifying crossovers and dynamic embellishments that raise the stakes needlessly high!
The Wedgemaker's Worst Nightmare
A discussion on wedges, hot dogs, freedom, and Jerome, Arizona.
Things My Grandchildren Should Know
The wit and wisdom of a grandfather passed onto his grandchildren, who are no more than foul imposters because he has no grandchildren.
Super Bowl XLI Surprises
The Something Awful Forum Goons create a host of strange and surreal Super Bowl moments that never happened, but probably should have.
Giant Pet Invasion
Since the Japanese shoguns first came up with the concept of giant monsters, mankind has been fantasizing about giant things tearing shit up. This bold love affair with monumental destruction continues today, with pictures of giant pets running amok through our tiny world.
Synonymous Movies
The Something Awful Forum Goons create a bunch of movies with new titles, synonyms of the originals.
Boruff & Davies Catalogue Co.
A page from a classic edition of the Boruff & Davies Catalogue, offering fine quality merchandise at prices affordable to the common tramp.
Star Trek Bonanza
The Something Awful Forum Goons created a ton of humorous images based around Star Trek movies and shows.
Most Popular Questions of 2006
A completely accurate listing of the top questions asked by Internet users in 2006.
Clown History
The Something Awful Goons rewrite history to include a significantly higher number of clowns.
On the Dangers of Telepathic Parrots
A brief but objective analyses of the looming threat posed by weaponized psychic birds.
