Ask Emily: 12-30-2002

Hello Aramina,You're my first female (I think), so bear with me. I am a little nervous about your situation for the following reasons:1. You were with guy 1 for five and a half years. That's a hell of a long time for anyone to be with anyone by any scope of measurement. It is especially long if you are (which I think you are) a young person, seeing as you haven't really been alive all that long in the first place. Hell, it's even a long time if you're old and have been married for that long or whatever. It's just a long time to be with someone. I think I have gotten that point across.2. You say that you "recently broke up with" guy 1. So you only recently have ceased a very long and obviously very serious relationship. It is only common sense that at this point you should take some time to reflect on where you are emotionally and figure out what adjustments you will have to make in order for you to live your life without that person who has been by your side for so long. You seem pretty casual about that part of the situation, and that's not good. You mention getting back together with guy 1, and if that's still an option you need to figure out what your feelings for this dude are. You need to examine whether you actually still care for guy 1 and decide once and for all whether you can have a future with him before you pursue anything with guy 2 (Limey).3. Despite the fact that you and guy 1 have only recently broken off a very long relationship you have already been visited from your friend across-the-water. This implies that you are heating things up pretty quickly with him and this is further implied when you say that he is considering moving to New Jersey to be with you. You need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN with this and wait until you are sure of what you want. If that means being alone for awhile until you figure things out, so be it. If these guys care about you they will wait.This brings me to a very important point. You were with guy 1 for a long-ass time, perhaps I've mentioned. You should really spend some time by yourself before you rush into another relationship. I don't care how "right" things feel with Bucktooth Worcestershirecasterburglowe, you owe it to yourself to be alone for awhile so that you can re-establish a sense of independence outside of the bounds of the relationship that you were in for so long. It might seem more natural to you at this point to be in a relationship than to be out of one, but I assure you that it is of the utmost importance that you take time out of the dating and relationships scene and get back into a groove with your life, otherwise you're liable to be hopping from man to man for a long time and that's not healthy.In answer to your question, I think that you should do what makes you the most fulfilled and happy, but I further think that you will not have any clue what that thing is until you take a step back from your life and look at your options with a clear, un-Britishified head. No offense to guy 2 meant, but you are the real issue here and until you are sure of what you want for yourself you are in no position to offer anything to anyone else. If you slow down and examine your options carefully and give great thought to exactly how you feel about everything, I assure you that the answers will come and you won't be confused any more. In the meantime, just remind yourself that there is no rush for any of this and if guy 2 is pushing you into a relationship faster than you would like, tell him to back the truck up (beep beep) because you are in control, missy, so tell it like it is. If he honestly cares for you, he'll give you the time you desperately need to sort out your life. Good luck!

She'll be ok as long as she doesn't turn into a slut. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've said that...

Well guys, that's it for this time 'round. I hope that my advice has been of some use to some of you, but if it hasn't, well, you can all go fuck yourselves. If you'd like me to answer your questions in my column, feel free to drop me a line at askemily@somethingawful.com and I'll see what I can do! In the mean time, take care and be smart.

– Emily "Ask Emily" Reigel