Ask Emily: 12-25-2002

Heh.I feel for you, Johnny, I really do, but I can't help but think that you fucked up, which is what led you to your very unfortunate and very permanent skin inking.First of all, you should have made sure that you knew the people who were inking you. If you do your research and go to a reputable parlor where you know that the artists do a safe and quality job, the chances of getting a tattoo with which you are not satisfied are slim to none. There is no reason that you shouldn't shop around before you permanently mark your body or allow some d00d to stick needles into you over and over again. If you had done your research you would have made sure that the guy who did the first lion head was not going to make it "dull" and at the very least you should have learned your lesson before having the second guy (or maybe even the same guy) put gaudy color on it and make you the Lion Clown Prince of Buttsex.Secondly, you know that tattoos are permanent unless you'd like to have very expensive and very painful laser surgery to remove them. I imagine that you knew this when you go the thing put on yourself in the first place. Why would you ever EVER get something put under your skin unless you were absolutely sure that it was exactly what you wanted or at the very least that it was something you would not regret obtaining several years (or in your case, days) later. I have a tattoo of an omega on my arm that I had wanted since I was in 5th grade, so a year and a half ago at the age of 22, I got it. But I made damn sure that it was what I wanted and that the dude doing it was competent and trustworthy before I had it done. Because I made sure of these things, it looks good. You and any other sane person out there should follow that same protocol.You can't get rid of that tattoo most likely, but maybe you have learned a jolly lesson from the whole ordeal. The option that you do have is that you can find another thing that you would like tattooed on your sorry body, go to a (good) tattoo guy, and ask him if there is any way that he can make the lion head a part of the larger design that you have in mind. If he can, you might be able to cover it up with darker ink or turn it into something else. Otherwise, you're stuck being called names or putting a lot of band-aids over it for the rest of your days. Sorry, man. If it's any consolation, it will fade as you grow older, so by the time you're 80 or so it might look more like a tattoo of a penis or something.

HAHA What a lion-fag.

Hello Wodin,I will tell you right now that there's something weird going on in your relationship and that you had better find out what it is right quick. If you are with this girl and having sex with her and spending that much time with her she should be talking to the people in her life about it. If she's not, something is definitely up. When people date other people and start to like them a lot they tell the other people in their lives about them. This is just how people operate. I am sure that you have told a lot of people in your life about it and there is no reason that she shouldn't be doing or have done the same if it was important to her or if she was not hiding something that she might not have told you about.I suppose that I am not quite so sure how you know that she has not told anyone about your relationship, but assuming that you are correct on that, no, it is most definitely not normal. Not at all. I also don't know whether you have asked her about the reason why she has not talked to anyone about your relationship, but if you have asked her and she has still not told anyone or she avoids your questions you can be assured that there is something weird afoot. Keep in mind that you did just start dating her (around Thanksgiving time) so you might not know her as well as you think you do, at least, not yet.There's a chance that she could have just not gotten around to telling anyone about this whole thing yet and that you have nothing to worry about and I've blown this way out of proportion. But, then again, Thanksgiving was about a month ago at this point and if you are spending as much time with her as you imply, it's pretty darn odd that she wouldn't have let anyone else know who she was with all of that time. If she's romantically and sexually attracted to you it's even odder. I guess I'm just saying, "look into it."

Cockold is my guess, poor shmuck.

Well, there you have it for this week's Ask Emily column. I hope that I've answered at least a few questions for you guys, but feel free to email me with any other question (about ANYTHING, dammit) you might have at askemily@somethingawful.com. It'll be rad. In the meantime, happy holidays to you all, etc, or whatever.

– Emily "Ask Emily" Reigel