Ask Emily: 12-16-2002

Hey Kelly,Unfortunately for the world, this is very common with women at that age and it usually turns into a strong desire for children instead of marriage by the time women get into their thirties. Bleh.The problems here, aside from the women in your life having relatively low self-esteem, are that when a lot of women hit that age (mid-twenties or so) they start to become afraid that they will be alone for the rest of their lives. All of their friends begin to marry and settle down with families and they quite literally panic and begin to seek out a potential mate at all costs. Their standards become compromised because they just want to find someone who will be with them instead of looking for a person that they are truly compatible with. Unfortunately for you, they seemed to think that you'd fit the husband bill nicely, and unfortunately for them, they were wrong because you aren't the marrying type. At least, not yet (which is probably good in this case). It's especially bad for these women because they might feel a lot of societal pressure to do this as well, seeing as women are "expected" to marry and such around that age and guys who remain single for longer are generally not looked down upon.The key here is for you to find a woman who is strong enough in herself that she doesn't feel pressure from outside sources to marry and start a family. There are plenty of girls like that out there and if you have dated two people in rapid succession who both have assailed you with marriage requests, chances are that you're not fishing in the right harbor, if you get my meaning. You know, fishing?

Everyone in that guy's life loses, including him.

Wow kommi,What an amazing story. I wish both you and your Mom a speedy recovery and I hope that your new urine machine works out very well for you. That being said, I think that you are approaching the situation from a slightly askew angle.Your Mom loves you, and that is why she's giving you a kidney. There's no other way to explain it. You're her son, and because of this she is willing to sacrifice many things in order to help you and make sure that you are ok. I think that it would be a little weird to talk about this in terms of "repaying" her because that sort of makes it seem like she's giving you some sort of material gift. Your Mom is doing what any mother who is not a jerk would do for their child, and although her love is rather being put to the test here and it is an extreme situation, there really isn't any obligation you should feel toward your Mom for her kidney.I am not saying that you shouldn't be grateful for what your Mom is doing for you; obviously it is a huge sacrifice on every level. I am saying, however, that "repaying" your Mom isn't what you should be worried about at this point. You know that your Mom loves you, so what you need to do is make sure that she knows that you love her, too. This sounds sappy and mushy and stuff, but seriously, that's all you need to do. Maybe you could write her a letter telling her how much she and her selflessness have meant to you and that you love her. I have a feeling that that would mean more to her than any material gift you could ever give her. Trust me on this. Be a good son to her and foster a loving relationship with her for the rest of your lives. There is nothing you could give her that would be better than that.Or you could give her a few dollars and tell her to go buy herself a new pair of nylons. Write a note to go along with the money that says, "For the kidney." Also, threaten her by telling her that you will be back for the other kidney if the one that she gives you doesn't work perfectly. It's the least that she can do for you in exchange for those nylons, I mean, come on.

I hope that that guy's new kidney works out for him, because he's going to need to be alive so that he can be his mother's personal slave for the rest of time.