Ask Emily: 02-05-2003

Ok doke SBT,Let's start with the basics for all the guys out there and all of the people who are complete morons and never picked up the fundamentals of screwing responsibly: if you don't know and trust your partner, either don't have any sex with them until you do know and trust them, or wear a rubber. If you don't do this you might end up like this poor dope with warts all over your p-due. Man, I thought that people knew this stuff by the time they were eight years old these days. I don't want to just chastise you for being stupid over and over, but... how dumb can you be? I know that you feel as though you are paying the price now seeing as there is no cure for genital warts, but I'll at least put out a call for all of you other horny dumb shits out there to take the necessary precautions and make sure that you don't catch some horrible STD from a cheap fuck with a drunk girl at a party. That hazy screw is NOT WORTH IT, d00d.OK, now with that out of the way, let's get down to brass axes. In any sexual encounter that might occur, you will need to tell your partner that you have warts. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that is just the way things go. If you do not do this and you have unprotected sex with someone, you will save yourself the temporary humiliation but you will ruin someone else's life forever. You can't just be a selfish bastard and do that to someone. No matter how much you hate yourself, have the decency to tell the person you want to sleep with before the fact. Besides, there are actually legal ramifications for sleeping with someone and not disclosing the fact that you are infected with something. I would hope that you wouldn't need to resort to monetary reasons for being an honest and responsible guy, but your saying that you were upset by your doctor telling you this makes me a little worried that you might not be as forthcoming as you should be in this situation.In other news, not every woman will be completely repulsed and disgusted by your disclosing that you have HVD. If she has warts herself then you're copasetic because you can screw like bunnies and never be worried about catching warts from the other person. You should worry about catching other things, though, so by no means am I saying that you should just start having sex and not take precautions. There are worse things out there than bumpy-dick. I am pretty sure that I don't have to spell this out, but you fucked up the first time so I just want to make sure. The likelihood of you finding someone who is already infected whom you love and trust is fairly low, so the only option that you really have is just to be honest with your partners and wait until you are at a certain level of trust and respect in your relationship before you disclose the fact that you are a diseased wreck. The woman will either get up and leave or, if she really loves you (look at it as a test), she will work with you to find a way for the both of you to be sexually compatible. Protected sex is not the end of the world. You can still have a great time and bond with your partner in a physical and emotional way, and you will probably find it more fulfilling because you have both had to overcome obstacles in order to get there.Now, on to your messed up head. There is no reason you should be so full of self-loathing that you are unable to even touch yourself any more. That is just silly. You made a mistake and now you have a disease, but it's a disease that with treatment rarely manifests itself and which you can live with indefinitely. Get on with your life! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something that makes you happy with the time you have. If you find that you are just too depressed and fucked up to do anything about your situation or get yourself out of the rut you're currently in, get some help. Find a therapist or a counselor to talk to. You are by no means alone and there are even support groups for people in your situation. In any case, sitting around and bemoaning your bumpy dick is not going to get you anywhere, and the last thing a woman is going to be attracted to is your whiny, self-deprecating attitude. Get up off of your ass and live your life.

Whew, that was bad news.