The 1st Annual Best of Being a Dickhead Awards Ceremony

Technical Achievement Award: Being a Dickhead over A Voice Chat Program

A Public Service Message to the guild “Blades of Shadow”

Yes, someone does have access to your Teamspeak server that is not a member of your guild. In fact, you could say that, at the last count of my guild, 65 people have access to your guild’s Teamspeak. It’s not “their shitty fucking voice server”, it is in fact one of us making annoying sounds, giving bad information while you are trying to defeat Chromagus, and causing that horrible loud microphone feedback.

You are incorrect in thinking that it is “not very fucking funny”, because it is in fact very fucking funny. Our guild has a weekly competition to see who can piss you guys off the most, and this has been going on for two months. The only thing that is more hilarious then our whining and screaming and “accidentally playing MP3s” during your raids, is the fact that you guys still haven’t changed the password (Abe’s Radio Edit) & that it’s publically available to anyone on the server (Abe’s Radio Edit) .

Finally I also want to take this opportunity to state, on behalf of our entire guild, that we are sorry to hear about the car accident you had as a child Mootet, and it was cruel of us to insultingly point at your crippled shortcomings. It doesn’t explain the rest of your guild being absolutely terrible at PvP however.

Sincerely,
“The Beards”

Technicial Achievement Award: Harassing the Mentally Challenged

By far and wide, the most popular “being a dick” email I received overall was the” /emote pickpockets you for 5 silver” trick, which is more played out than Arms/Fury talent builds. Despite the fact that it really isn’t that big a deal, since the malice only effects the retarded, the sheer volume of the letters I received reminds me of the sheer volume of retards that play World of Warcraft. Instead of actually posting more words about it, here is a screenshot from Something Awful forums poster Brando.

Technical Achievement Award: Finding Someone who Takes the Game Way Too Seriously

I got someone so pissed off after ninja-looting a Felstriker that they posted this on the forums, shortly before they were banned:

Greetings,

Account Name: ********
Realm(s): Moonrunner
Character Name(s): Androgen

Account Action: 72 Hour Suspension/Final Warning

Offense: Harassment Policy Violation - Sexual Orientation

This category includes both clear and masked language which: - Insultingly refers to any aspect of sexual orientation pertaining to themselves or other players

Details: 2006/02/10 11:06:48 Androgen Raid you fucking faggot I didn’t take a week off of work to raid this week so you could ninja the felstriker and buttfucking brag about it
2006/02/10 11:07:11 Androgen Raid this game is all I have left you fairy its the only thing that matters I will fucking kil you fucking fagot I’ll kill all of you
2006/02/10 11:07:27 Androgen Raid my dad is a congressman and he hates the gay agenda so don’t fuk with me

Well, that’s all I have for you. A special thanks to all of my readers that emailed me at abraham@somethingawful.com - I couldn’t have done this one without you, because I am too lazy to make up jerk stories. Speaking of being lazy, is there a dead horse I haven’t beaten into the ground hard enough yet? Did I get some minor detail incorrect that you honestly think I’ll admit to? Or do you just want to talk about that cute pink slip you saw at the mall, but you didn’t get because you simply don’t have anywhere to wear it at? Mail me!

– Caylen "Abraham" Burroughs