The Pound Puppies Aren't Real, but I Am, Mom

MOM!!

You took all my PP drawings off the fridge and door of MY room WHY????

Some of those were printed (which DALE said I could use the printer) but most of them were HAND DRAWN. Not traced or copied they were originals of MY Poundentity "Jelly" which is short for Jealous as in "Are you $#%@ jealous of my happiness, mom?" I can't think of any other reason why you are constantly harassing me about using skype late I WAS NOT talking loud and my pound pack could hear you through the door.

God I'm sorry your boyfriend Dale isn't making you happy but that doesn't give you the right to invade my space and destroy my property and go on a PP witch hunt through the house. BTW PP is NOT a hobby thank you very much. And I know the Pound Puppies aren't real, but I am. Do you even know what a reboot is? It's about taking something I enjoyed when I was seven and making it relevant to my sexual identity at the age of 35. This is not the kid's show of the 80s this is an adult, ironic, sarcastic show about real themes like friendship and dog catchers.

And just to clear something up, me being a "f-word grown man living with his mom" as Dale said, does not have anything to do with "ebaying PP all night." My PP buying has dropped to almost nothing since they downsized my position from the Arby's. That's why I moved back in. It's happening all over. Helloooo, great recession, open a website or something, jeez.

To be clear we need to lay down some rules.

1) I am not a kid anymore so you can't treat me like one.

2) Respect my art. I will limit my artwork to inside my room and 3 pieces on my door and I will take down the thong pic of Scraps and Nipper.

3) Refer to me as "Jelly" or "pup" at the dinner table OR if Dale can't do that you can leave my dinners in the fridge and I will heat them up late at night during my web JOB SEARCHES.

4) Don't say anything PP-related to my friends. Even if we're talking about PP just mind your own business it is complicated.

5) Stop trying to Net Nanny the PP website. I don't know where you keep getting that software but I know ways around it and I have hacker friends.

6) If you are going to start charging me rent like Dale constantly threatens (I lived here BEFORE him) then I will pay but only in Bitcoins.

7) I can't change who I am. I will continue to live PP day to day, 24/7. I'm sorry if this offends you, but I was born this way.

8) It is pronounced Anna-May and PP is not anime but anime is also good.

Also I was wondering if you and Dale could go out and do something for like five hours on the 17th so I could have a pack meet in the house. We could do it with you here but...ugh...not after last time. Just give me some space.

I know if we put our minds to it we can all live together happily. After all when you get down to it we're like a pound pack but out of the pound and some of us (you and Dale) are people.

– Dylan "Jelly" Baxter (@sexyfacts4u)