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Obama in Evil Hats Dot Org

Obama Scores Meaningless Win in Mississippi

The day after Barack Obama's meager 64-36 victory in Mississippi, the Clinton campaign is looking ahead to next month's contest in Pennsylvania.

"We never expected to win Mississippi," Hillary Clinton said in an interview with CNN The Situation Room's Wolf Blitzer.

"This is just further evidence that Barack Obama can only win unimportant states. States that just don't matter at all. Pennsylvania, now there's an important state. The whole election may hinge on Pennsylvania. We'll see what happens in April. We feel good about a win there."

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell emerged stoop-shouldered and shambling from Clinton's Philadelphia campaign headquarters to enjoy a salt lick held in her cupped palm.

"Yethhhhh," he spit. "Victory, mathter!"

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Obama Adviser Outrage: Hillary "Pretty Mean"

An off-the-record comment made to a UK newspaper by Obama economic adviser Patty Horrible has made it onto the record, and the Clinton campaign is apoplectic.

"Well, if you ask me, she's pretty mean," said Horrible in an interview with The Incorrigible Muckraker. "That was off record, right?"

As an objective observer, I have to agree with the Clinton campaign's Howard Wolfson that Horrible's contemptible comment was beyond the pale and lowered the campaign rhetoric considerably.

"Fuck her," said Wolfson in a conference call with reporters. "I hope that bitch die! Obama act like he a motherfucking pimp, fuck him. Dumb as fuck. Can't even eat straight he's so dumb."

"Can't even piss in a pot!" Added Harold Ickes. "Ooga Booga! Hello I'm Barack Obama and I chug gay dude's balls and love disprespectin' ladies and old people! Ooooooga Booga!"

"We are requesting a full apology for these comments from Senator Obama and we expect Ms. Horrible to resign," concluded Wolfson after more than five minutes of making ape noises. "More troubling still, this seems to be part of a larger pattern with the Senator's campaign."

I must ask, as a reporter, is Barack Obama trying to destroy the Democratic Party with his negative campaigning?

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