In college, most graded papers are a mish-mash of symbols and runes, the meanings of which known only by highly secretive and extremely poor circles of academia. But don't use that discarded The Mayor of Casterbridge essay to mop up spilled bong water just yet; let Something Awful offer this Rosetta Stone to crack the code and help you realize why it may be a good idea to consider a future in the barnyard arts.
 | Caution: You are not Hunter S. Thompson. |
 | Spelling is so bad that it's lapsed into an entirely different language. |
 | I'll ignore this because you're attractive. |
 | Opinion clearly stolen from parents / AM radio. |
 | Personal essay waaay too personal. |
 | Paper shamelessly stolen from Internet still has a banner ad for home refinancing at the bottom of every page. |
 | Meaning unclear and possibly racist. |
 | Paper mentions God in every paragraph, in a much larger font. |
 | It's obvious you only know most words phonetically. |
 | I would ignore this, but you're ugly and should be judged as such. |
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Return to Clownportal.com
- I Squoze the Tiny Hand of Kate
- Blue Stripe - The Life and Times of a Weyland-Yutani Cryotech
- Nascar and Sex Advice
- 0-day Release Blog
