AT
A GLANCE:
From what I can gather from the end of Deus
Ex, Voltaire once said "If there was no
God, man would create one, and he has". The
same applies for very bad mods.
I'm
not exactly the biggest fan of the realism
genre. It seems to me that a lot of gameplay
destroying features are added to these games
with the all covering argument "ITS REELISTIC!!!"
You get shot in the leg. You can't move. Sure,
it's realistic, but that doesn't save it from
the fact that you're giving the worse player
the handicap. As far as gameplay goes, it
makes no sense.
But
now I've played RealLife Quake, and
now I'm a changed man. However bad I perceive
the gameplay in this mod sub-genre, I'll always
know it can never get as bad as RealLife
Quake.
THE
GAME: So you open the game and you start
playing. The first things you find are 6 firecrackers
sticking out of your arm. You're pretty sure
they're firecrackers... they have garish cartoon
style fire painted around the edges. But the
moment you press fire, you'll immediately
wish you hadn't. What were pretty nicely modeled
and skinned firecrackers become what are meant
to be a fair representation of a chaingun.
Bullets fly out with a random offset arc of
about 60 degrees. Hitting anyone by merely
aiming at them is no longer a legitimate tactic...
you have to use the skillful art of luck.
It isn't all-bad I guess... at around 50 damage
a bullet, it's only going to take two lucky
shots on your target to get a well earned
kill.
The
other new weapon you'll find is the M16, which
looks like it's been carved out of play-dough
by a preschooler with an intravenous Paxil
supply. That said, it IS a very good representation
of a play-dough M16. But once again, after
being wowed by modeling skills, our hopes
are dashed as we press the fire button. Like
a reoccurring nightmare, we find we have a
huge arc of random fire. It doesn't matter
whether you're crouching, running, or falling
off a cliff; that random offset is constant.
I guess it's fair enough - why the hell should
players be allowed to shoot where they aim?
That's not realistic! That's just STUPID!
God knows sniper rifles were never made to
shoot where you aim them, and most of the
gun toting people I know run around aiming
every which way but at their target... then
again, they did go to the Bad Guy School of
Shooting and not their local high school (where
many a proficient marksman graduates every
year).
How
does this weapon differ from the chaingun?
It does 80 damage a bullet, which makes sense
if you think about it. Chainguns fire faster,
so they do less damage. It's good because
it's realistic.
At
this point, you start to regret testing this
mod on "The Longest Yard". Every time you
try to traverse the scenery by the use of
jump pads, you take about 50-health point
loss from falling. You let this pass though,
as the maps aren't really intended for the
realism sub genre. And besides, it's realistic
- you fall 100 feet, you lose 50 health and
walk away!
Since you don't want to instantly die from
falling everywhere, you look around for health
and start thinking "Hey, it's not realistic
to go up 50 health from these health bubbles
- that's half your entire life! That's not
realistic!". So you pick up a gold health
bubble, and sure enough, it only heals around
20 points. This is great because it's realistic.
Heck, even the Mega Health only heals 25 points!
God knows nobody wants a single item to heal
them enough to withstand another 50 damage
points from a single bullet! That's crazy
talk!
After
falling your way around the level, you eventually
pick up a rocket launcher. Now the Quake
3 rocket launcher was nowhere near realistic.
So how is this fixed in Real Life Quake?
Increase the reload time! How can anyone possibly
be expected to reload a rocket in one second
flat? That's not realistic! So the reload
time is increased to 2.3 seconds - ample time
to grab a reserve rocket from your realistic
"infinity pocket", prime it, unlock the stock,
slam it home and cock the hammer (yes I'm
not a gun nut. If anyone knows how to reload
a bazooka, I'd be so interested). The
mod's maker has successfully managed to keep
the theme of "not mattering where you
aim" throughout the game. Regardless
of where you aim, you're bound to kill everyone
within a 20 mile radius with this rocket...
and with highly increased rocket speed, you'll
have barely enough time to hide from the explosion!
Wonderful!
Very
soon you'll get bored of shooting and dying;
it's time to check out some other weapons!
You see a railgun hovering in place and move
to pick it up. A familiar "chu-chink" greets
you and a message is displayed:
 |
|
BANNED.
|
So
the railgun is there in the game world and
you can pick it up as well as its ammo, but
you can't use it because it's not realistic.
I'm personally happy about this. It's a realistic
mod, so no stupid high-tech futuristic zany
cyber virtual weapons should be available.
What this mod really needs is a sniper rifle
that is totally accurate, reloads after about
a second, and does exactly 100 damage. And
maybe if it had some kind of bullet trail
too, that would be cool! And maybe you could
customize the colour of the trail! WOW! This
is gonna be cool!
And
the shotgun? Well, despite every pellet doing
around 20 damage and the pellet count being
increased to 50, it still sucks. I guess some
things will never change.
SUMMARY:
All in all, this mod has taught me a lot about
the realism genre. Mod teams can go on and
on about how this feature or that is realistic,
but it doesn't matter. By definition, any
attempt at making a real life simulation while
still retaining the values of a well balanced
game is futile. Games are not simulations.
Simulations are not games. The two are mutually
exclusive. So why are so damn many mods being
made that go halfway? With current user interfaces
(mouse and keyboard) we have control of our
view and movement, but no control over a separate
aimable gun. Because of this, should mod teams
really be assuming that we can't aim for shit
and give us random offset up the whazzo, totally
negating our skill at mouse pushing? The general
growing view of "You can't do x because it's
not realistic" is really starting to stint
the creativity of a medium that has huge space
for expansion. So the game is based on the
first person perspective... does that mean
that every game has to be based on Space
Rangers or Elite Troops or human
beings in general? So much more could be done.
It's a damn interface, not a simulation of
your boring insectile life, and we're still
stuck on making more fucking army soldier
simulators that just aren't any fun. It's
about time we really think about the games
we play instead of just eating up whatever
looks cool because "IST REELISTIC!!!"
