AT
A GLANCE: This map
is supposed to be some
kind of interoffice
warfare thing, where
two opposing companies
want to destroy each
other for an unknown
reason. It's not very
realistic though, because
if any employees actually
worked in buildings
like the ones in the
map, they'd want to
shoot themselves before
bothering to go after
anybody else.
 |
|
Hello,
welcome to my
office / very
large rabbit cage.
|
DESCRIPTION:
Well all you available
ladies out there, mapmaking
sensation Tarot (Mark
Benton) is a 35 year
old male from Australia
who likes making boxes
and abusing proper English
grammar! Here's a bit
from his bio, just to
turn ya on:
If
you're looking for an
Australian gent who
was voted "Mostly
Likely to Bring an Assault
Weapon and Mow Down
the People by the Water
Cooler", search
no further, Mark Benton
is your man! Mike also
enjoys prefab cars,
lifts that don't quite
work correctly, and
making maps that are
about as realistic as
a Jeff K. drawing. So
hurry up now, ladies,
and win a dream date
with Mark Benton! You
won't regret it, unless
if you actually win!
 |
|
If
this is the inside
of the office,
no wonder America's
productivity is
dropping like
a lead balloon.
|
THE
MAP: Well, there's,
uh, a couple big buildings
on either side of a
concrete tunnel. For
your convenience, both
buildings are exactly
the same, and don't
really look anything
like office buildings
(unless you work in
a gigantic box with
concrete walls and a
malfunctioning elevator
that tries to kill you).
The goal of the assault
mission is quite complex
("destroy some
box on the top floor
of the opposing office"),
and it may require you
to play it a few dozen
times before you're
able to remember the
specifics.
As
I mentioned before,
there's a lot of boxes.
In fact, everything
in the map is a box.
If that wasn't enough
(and it most certainly
is), floor textures
are used on the walls
and wall textures are
used on the floors.
This is probably because
the map author think
he is "creative"
or at least "more
intelligent than your
average package of Slim
Jims." The inside
of the "office
buildings" is a
bunch of red carpet
and randomly placed
walls that serve absolutely
no purpose, except to
annoy you and make you
wonder what kind of
fucked up office this
guy lives in. I would've
naturally assumed that
if the guy was modeling
a map after the place
he spends his entire
day in, it would be
all white and have padded
walls. Maybe governmental
cutbacks have changed
everything, I don't
know.
GAMEPLAY:
Bots don't like using
the doors. Bots don't
like using the elevator.
Bots don't like spawning.
The bots, much like
dogs or psychic babies,
are able to sense danger
and refuse to tread
any further. If you
are somehow able to
blackmail another human
into playing this map,
they will more than
likely react the same
way. I think that this
reflects excellent bot
coding work on Epic's
part, and Tim Sweeny
should probably be given
a gigantic raise.
FUN
FACTOR: Perhaps
if you dig abstract
renderings of "offices",
you might find this
fun. If you've got a
box fetish, this map
might be for you. Maybe
people in the Mark Benton
Fan Club will dig this.
I, myself, wasn't too
partial to this map,
and can remember particular
episodes of "The
Wonder Years" that
were more entertaining
than this.
THE
BOTTOM LINE: Folks,
it's being reviewed
on Cranky Steve's Haunted
Whorehouse. Need I say
more?
-
Cranky
Steve
