AT
A GLANCE: It boggles
my mind how anybody would
even make a map like this,
much less release it to
the public. I have learned
a long time ago that there
are a shitload of idiots
among us, but I keep trying
to give humanity the benefit
of the doubt and convince
myself that they are not
in the majority. Repeatedly
seeing maps like this make
me wonder...
DESCRIPTION:
Once again, another crappy
map author doesn't realize
that "My First Map"
belongs on "My Computer",
not the damn Internet:
this
is my first ctf map i
hope you like it.
No,
I don't.
I've
said this hundreds of times
folks, and it looks like
I'll have to say it once
again: for the love
of everything unholy, do
NOT release your crap "first
maps" onto the Internet!
All it does it clog up FTP
sites with good maps, causing
people to download it thinking
"hey, this map sounds
cool!" Then they download
it and can't stop urinating
blood for the next three
weeks. Every mapmaker produces
crap maps when they first
start out learning how to
make them, but only idiots
toss their shit up to the
Internet. Either delete
your first map or put it
on a single magic, evil,
glowing ZIP disk which radiates
a pulsing red color and
throbs with the powers of
Satan himself. Then take
that disk and sit on it.
 |
|
More
burning Hell. Note
the large amount of
"Hell".
|
THE
MAP: It's a large rectangle
room with lava walls, lava
floor, and not enough spawn
points. There is apparently
some way to get from one
flag to the other, but I'll
be damned if I could find
it. I have to honestly admit
that I didn't try too hard
though, as this map is still
giving me nightmares and
indigestion from playing
it only a minute. There's
some crates on the top floor,
because, God know's, there
aren't enough fucking crates
in FPS maps. It does add
a nice touch to the game
though, taking the map from
"Hello, I eat shoelaces
for breakfast, here is my
shitty UT map with lava
walls" to "Hello,
I eat shoelaces for breakfast,
here is my shitty UT map
with lava walls and some
lame crates. I am not legally
permitted to get within
100 yards of a petting zoo
ever again."
GAMEPLAY:
Bots spawn and are instantly
too afraid to move. They
just stand around and fire
whatever weapon was closest
to them when they appeared.
Since there's approximately
two spawn points, expect
to be telefragged alot,
which is by far the most
pleasurable experience in
this game. Weapons have
all been tossed to the bottom
gutter, but thanks to the
narrow concrete beams above
the instant-death lava,
you probably won't be able
to get them and live.
FUN
FACTOR: This map teaches
you that dying can be fun!
For example, I wish I was
dead right now!
THE
BOTTOM LINE: This is
the author's first map.
Let us pray it's his last.
-
Cranky
Steve
