Jump into the oddly placed lava patch...

...and you fall out of the map!

Erik, you're killing me here!

DESCRIPTION: It's an Erik map, what more do I need to say? If you've read any reviews of his previous pain parades, you'll know that Erik is synonymous with unholy colored lighting, obscene doorways, and "traps" aplenty. This map is no exception.

THE MAP: Erik claims, "The design is very bland. Too bright outside and too dark inside. The quad trick is interseting though. I like the fact it is centered around smaller guns. Thanks to Dream Reaper for his(SMALL)contribution," but I beg to differ. This map is not centered around "smaller guns", it's centered around a big, hidden pentagram that Erik and his minions worship before creating each map. I'd imagine that the creation of each map in Erik's house is kind of like the ending to "Rosemary's Baby", where some evil, satanic hellspawn is brought upon the unwitting world. I'm glad I don't live in the same state as him (according to his webpage, Idaho). If you do, I would advise moving before the armed forces decide to drop a few hundred thermonuclear weapons on the state in order to keep Erik from attempting to make Q3A maps. Because, as we all know, if you nuke the hell out of something it just ends up growing really big and tall and has a sudden urge to destroy Tokyo. Or, in Erik's case, our eyesite.

This map is a building of some sort with a courtyard surrounding it. The building seems to be some sort of converted barn or grain silo. What is was converted to, I have no idea. Some kind of unholy disco studio maybe, there's so many damn colored flashing lights in the place I thought I had accidentally popped a few hundred tabs of LSD. The only difference between Erik's maps and overdosing on LSD is the fact that the textures you see in an LSD hallucination are much more interesting.

Weapons are placed in the most difficult places to reach, as Erik subscribes to the gameplay theory of "Everybody shooting the blaster at each other = good." I don't recall there even being much ammo on this map, but then again I was fairly drunk while playing. I learned a long time ago that Erik's maps simply cannot be played sober. Or at all, for that matter.

Erik, famous for his "traps", has come through once again. In the middle of the courtyard outside, there's a small patch of lava that looks more out of place than Pauly Shore in a MENSA convention. If you jump into the lava (the only way you could actually fall into it), you drop out of the map. Now THAT'S a trap! I can't figure out if Erik did it on purpose or not, because me trying to think like Erik would probably turn into the movie "Silence of the Lambs." I can't fathom rational explanations for the terrible things Erik does.

Need I mention there's gigantic walls all over the place with textures repeated a good 5,000-6,000 times per face? I don't? OK, good.

GAMEPLAY: In theory, this map would be a blast to play deathmatch. In theory, communism will work. Draw your own conclusions.

FUN FACTOR: It's better than some of the previous Erik maps, but it's not as fun as hammering carpenter nails into my arm.

THE BOTTOM LINE: If you liked Erik's previous maps, you'll love this one. But if you liked Erik's maps, you're either illiterate or incarcerated, so I guess it doesn't matter.

- Cranky Steve

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).