North Appleton University cuts corners by hiring fratboys to clean their bathrooms. With their fucking uglyass faces.

The gay porn industry's newest movie star, Frankie Brooks, in a clip from South Appleton's most popular film, "Closet Encounters of the Sperm Kind."

John Billingsly haunts the storeroom of the Radio Shack, ready to hand out male to male couplers.

"ROWWWWR! UGLYCAT LEAPS TO ATTACK!!! ROWWWWWRRR!"

Believe it or not, this was Alice Jenkins face BEFORE I slammed it against the grille of my Chrysler. Luckily for her, all the blood washed off her fruity makeup.

All I wanted for Christmas was a football covered with human skin.