The annual "West Appleton Baby Barter and Pet Swap" kicks off. Like usual, you can never tell which one is the pet and which is the baby. Usually the kids have more fleas.

15 GLAMOUR SHOTS EMPLOYEES WERE KILLED IN THIS PHOTO SHOOT.

Pets are always the first to sense danger. In Appleton City, they can also sense ugly. As you can imagine, the animals here act like crazy bastards all day long. I hate all cats, except this one.

THE CAT WAS RIGHT!!! UGLY IS IN FACT NEAR!!!

Goddammit, somebody call Robert Stack for this unsolved mystery, the ugly-seeking Appleton Cat has done it again!

TAKE IT AWAY, UGLYCAT!

"ROWWWR! That's some freaky shit there, boy! It's like somebody carved its face out of a mixture of Crisco and Play-Dough. RAWWR!"

Margaret Ann Preseley, shortly before she gave birth to approximately half of Canada. Notice her face, which is very, very, very horrid and not unlike a piece of beef after it's been beaten by drunken Irishmen and dipped in a tub of rash cream.