Superhero "Idiot Bastard" checks out the local cafeteria to make sure everything is running smoothly and hopefully into that black hole of a mouth he's got growing underneath that mask. Oh wait, "Idiot Bastard" is IB, not EB. Well I don't fucking care, the point is that this guy's got a hardon for cramming entire hogs into that all-encompassing void of a gut, and he's apparently too stupid to know that "Idiot Bastard" is spelled "IB" not "EB," so he spelled his own name wrong and one day I hope ants swarm all over his face and turn it into those Nazis from the last scene of "Raiders of the Lost Ark". I saw a Nazi in the Wal-Mart once, so I pushed my shopping cart at him and used my camouflage skills to blend into the makeup department aisle.

This retard has a cat in his fucking pants. I don't think this warrants further explanation, and if it does, I hope to god somebody stabs you in the eye with a knitting needle next time you get on an elevator.

Tickhead Ted shows off his life partner. I hope that thing is burying into his head and laying eggs so the other side of his face stops working as well.

I caught this jackskulled fucksocket trying to read some porno magazine called "The Wall Street Journal" in a public restroom inside his house, so I took the liberty of kicking the shit out of him and then calling up his dad and telling him to come over because there was an emergency. Then I beat his dad to death with the phone while shouting "PORNOGRAPHY DID THIS TO YOU!!!" because the kids of today don't have any respect for their elders (me) because all they do is jack off to porno magazines and read Interweb screen shows about puppets with disease and guns.

A chemo patient is attacked by a large spider of some sort.

"I CAN CHEW THROUGH ENGINE BLOCKS WITH MY GNOME TEETH"