Okay, like I said on the main page, I'm writing this webscreen here from the Appleton City Correctional Institution because my idiot brother and that fucking phlegmbag cat framed me for crimes I didn't commit. So I have to use the pictures in the Cop Computer here from my Cop Records, all the people I was framed for beating the unholy hogsemen out of. If you read anything that I've written before you know that I'm an easygoing, peaceful guy so this is all bullshit and I didn't touch none of these drooling idiots here so fuck you if you think I am a "suspect" in their murders or whatever, Police Chief MacKennelson, you dog eating polyp.

Anyway, these two chubby loads were spotted at the East Appleton City Annual Bloatwagon Doughchild Festival. I think the one on the left has Down's Syndrome, because her head made a weird squishing sound when I rammed it against the back of the snow-cone machine.

hahahaha, you're goddamn right those mobile saliva storage units are hungry, if there's something still breathing within a five-mile radius, their job isn't done.

Dave Reynolds, another dumptruck of failure at the Bloatwagon Doughchild Festival. His body was more difficult to jam into the back of that Station Wagon mainly because of his fat, fat, fat head and that mutant fungus with eyes growing off it on top. I think his shirt is in Spanish or Russian or something, it says "I TONGUE YOUR CHILD."

Gothic Gary and his Boston Baked Bean friend try to protect their alcohol from me. I AM A GODDAMN WAR VETERAN AND IF I WANT TO DRINK A FUCKING BEER OR 19 FROM YOUR HOUSE, THAT'S MY GODDAMN RIGHT BECAUSE I FOUGHT IN THE MUD FOR YOU WORTHLESS CRETINS WHILE YOU ALL SAT AT HOME AND WATCHED "LET'S MAKE A DEAL" AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT GREASY HAG BROAD DESERVED THAT FRIDGE WHEN MINE'S ABOUT 40 YEARS OLD AND HAS TO BE POWERED BY FREON THAT I STEAL FROM THE MEXICANS.

THE UNHAPPIEST EGG PRINCESS

"VOTE 'NO' ON UNHAPPY EGG PRINCESSES."

I don't want to make any sweeping generalizations about the quality of the cop force in this town, but Officer Shittower here should be bumped down to meter maid patrol for not instantly bashing in the lumpy skull of Mini-Mothra over there. If I was a cop I'd actually DO MY FUCKING JOB instead of running around and trying to throw WAR VETERANS INTO PRISON LIKE A FUCKING LOUSY CRIMINAL YOU GODDAMN MONEY PIRATES, I HATE THE CITY COUNSEL, WHAT A BUNCH OF NAZI COMMIES!!!