Oh fantastic, it's Crazy Wacky Zany Tape Boy! Let's see how crazy and wacky it is when I staple you to a piece of plywood and hammer roofing nails through your eyesockets, you hyperactive scab.

Everybody in Appleton City likes Snowball, the Human Carpet Sample! No wait, I meant they like to snowball. My mistake.

Dear Sweet Fucking Father in Hell, I don't know how much alcohol that guy drank, but he must be wearing the world's thickest pair of beer goggles ever. Do yourself a favor and start swallowing the glass shards before you wake up, buddy. It will be more pleasant than waking up next to Bride of Frankenstein there and realizing you just slipped your shriveled dick into the world's most rancid cheese factory.

Bobby Garden just gets absolutely overjoyed when his one-eyed dirtbag dog drops a log on his floor.

(FROM THE LEFT): Toilet Elf, Calvin the Constipated Ogre, and the Eyeball Wizard.

(NOT FEATURED): Me beating these three greasyfaced cretins with a rusted pipe wrench I found in a bucket outside the Hardee's on Blakemore Avenue.