"Death and Disgust From Above": Part II of The Discovery Channel's "Mutants in the Wild." I say we should just carpetbomb the place with napalm and get it over with already. Even though I don't know how to fly a plane, I'll lead the attack.

Cowboy Crankshaft rassles up a rodeo of computer geeks to herd into the GLAD Corral.

GO GET THE POWER UP AND WIN THE GAME, FELLAHS!

Another failed South Appleton superhero. I don't remember what his power is, but chances are pretty fucking good that it can only be activated when his pants are pulled down.

The Trashbag Wizard and his buddy Buba. I lit the guy on fire and threw him off a bridge because he tried to rip me off and charge me an extra three dollars per pound on corn at the Krogers. I don't take shit from nobody, including wizards.

Wow, Gilbert Godfreid is really hard up for work these days. You can find him in East Appleton doing his one-man/woman show, "Dear God, Please Have Pity on Me and Put Me Out of My Misery."

Street performer Mark Pelegra. He used to dance on Patterson Avenue. Now he performs on the grille of my Chrysler. His show sucks.