Something Awful: The Internet Makes You Stupid

: The Dungeons and Dragons geek orgy soon turns to violence when wild accusations fly regarding the theft of a 40-sided die. Good thing I still had a canister of Agent Orange left over to distribute as "going away" party favors.

: Village idiot Mike McClanahan is force-fed the alternative to my Gut Buster Brownies, "Cliff Yablonski's Porridge Surprise." The "surprise" is all the Drano I managed to cram into one single bowl.

: Two more goths who are getting history majors at the local North Appleton Community College. Goths often like to have their picture taken in overexposed black and white so people can't see all the goddamn acne Satan has chosen to bestow upon their ugly ass skulls. One day I actually kicked the whiteheads out of a particularly pathetic goth shitbag who was moaning about the bleakness of his existence at Wendys. I supersized his asskicking for absolutely free. I'm a nice guy, what can I say?

: Some of the assfaced punk retards at the rock and roll concert discover the gift I shipped to them six days ago: their best friend's bloated and lifeless corpse.

: The sign reinforces what men already knew about immigrant Natasia Kolenchovski: for God's sake, stay the hell off.

I HATE YOU PAGE 96