Something Awful: The Internet Makes You Stupid

: Reginald Yorblav crawls out of his tree stump home once a year to make appearances at the local animal shelter. On that night, all the animals are given the magical gift of a bleeding anus. I saw this lumpfaced dwarf hanging out by the phone booth on the corner of 17th Street and Jenkins Avenue, so I shouted "GET AWAY FROM MY PHONE BOOTH, THAT'S MY PHONE BOOTH YOU DISEASED TUB!" and then the phone rang so I ran over and picked it up and it was the wrong number so I kicked the phone booth over and tried to drag it home so I could take it apart and use the spare parts for a new thermostat, but the phone booth was too heavy so instead I just sat on the corner and tried to reach for a bucket of paint I saw in the gutter.

: Mucous machine Freddy "The Fountain" Goldblatt spews out a little liquid chub after realizing his shirt was on too tight and constricting the flow of pastry to his aorta.

: Colonel Steven Gandhi of the US 45th Bald Division. When he was 17 he had surgery to replace his skull with a giant marshmallow testicle.

: Oink, there is a crime in the barn, who stole all the Ring Dings? Paula Poundcake marinates her turkey in caramel.

: This photo is so cute, I'm glad mommy had the chance to get a picture before her two cretin sons were killed by a minority with gold teeth.

I HATE YOU PAGE 260