Something Awful: The Internet Makes You Stupid

: Reggie Patterson is one of them vegetarian hippy pushovers that would've caused the US of A to get blown up with bombs in World War I if it wasn't for my brave ass fighting for us in Nazi Portugal. He probably sat around here waving "PEACE NOT WAR" and "NO MORE WAR" signs while I was dodging bullets and flak shells from German Zeppelins. These spineless shitbirds make me fucking vomit in disgust. I'm gonna kill a cow and shove its body parts into his peace-loving mouth while he sleeps. Then I'll cram bullets into his peace-loving brain by using a gun.

: Emilio Javez tries to do the limbo while I swing a parking sign into his taco-inhaling gut. That greasy retard always drives by my house at the ungodly early time of 11:00 AM every morning, waking me up with his horrible Mexican man music shit where they bang on rattlesnakes and shout "AI AI AI FRIIIED ICE CREAM" over and over with the sound of whaling harpies in the background. One of these days I'm going to steal his car and drive it into the ocean, as soon as I figure out which direction the ocean is from here. I think it's up. Also I don't know where this guy lives, probably in an adobe somewhere. That's a mud hut made out of clay.

: The Appleton City cops have recently been trying to run sting operations on the only profitable industry in this scumbag town, the whore business. Unfortunately, the cops have an annual budget of like 38 cents and they already spent that all on Kit Kat bars and wool socks.

: More man than you'll ever need. Or want. To see. Ever. Ask this shitclown to lay down and roll over your next BBQ and you'll be set for life with all the diamonds he'll create.

I HATE YOU PAGE 242