Email CliffCLIFF YABLONSKI HATES THESE PEOPLE:
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I HATE YOU PAGE 176
- The East Appleton Bucket-headed Fucknaut in it's natural habitat, an environment it shares with the endangered Plastic Dwarf Deer. As you can see, I caught this specimen using a garden hose full of rubbing alcohol as bait, which I later tied around this gurgling jackhole while beating its stunted brains out against a tree with the plastic deer. I've still got that deer, I put it in my garage to scare away burglars. I also lace it with barbwire and throw it at kids for a Christmas surprise.
- Oh boy, a slag heap of overboiled ham! What a photo opportunity! Grab your camera and your protective eyewear!
- Sergeant Shitbucket attempts to insert his "120mm gun" into the turret of a T-72. Little did he know, he was shortly to become the next generation of ablative armor as I pelted him with chunks of brick until he fell off the tank. Then I tried to get in the tank and start it up so I could run over him but the museum staff told me the hatches had been welded shut. Fucking idiots, what's the use of having a tank if you can't drive it anywhere?!? In Korea my squad captured a T-72 and we used it to blow up an enemy supply depot disguised as a children's hospital. We also knocked off a few doctors disguised as children. No wait, they were children disguised as doctors. Ah fuck it, whatever it was we shot it.
- The infamous Parking Lot Elf advertises the latest brand of PissWear™, Appleton City's only trade export other than flesh-eating death clouds. I backed my car over this dripping asssore on the way into the supermarket, then I found some SUV-driving chuckleloaf had taken my space under the goddamn cedar tree! I have to park my car in that space to stop the sun overheating the engine because last time that happened the hood buckled and all this green foam shit oozed out. I kicked in the SUV's back lights and bought 12 cans of peaches.
- Terminal spitwad Larry Morris celebrates his victory over addiction with the slogan "No More Goats". Goat addiction is a serious problem in Appleton City, where approximately 78% of the inhabitants look and / or smell just like goats anyway, although they're a fucklot more stupid.
- The West Appleton Culture Club prepares another bloated, oily sack of entrails for their "Tahitian Kitchen" class. What this evolutionary joke doesn't realize is that he's going to be the main course. They're welcome to it, I'd rather eat batshit.