Something Awful: The Internet Makes You Stupid

: One of the 500-foot tall (and 500-foot wide) mutant creatures from South Appleton escapes and prepares to destroy San Francisco! Good riddance. I've never been to San Francisco, but I hear it contains almost as many freakshows as Appleton City. Somehow I doubt that.

: Ugh, no thanks, I just ate.

Judging by the rolls DJ Marmalade is tucking away under that circus tent of a shirt, it's safe to guess she just ate too. Next thing she'll be eating is my fist while it goes through her bulbous skull. I'm a sensitive, New Age kinda guy - I don't discriminate against Appleton wastebags just because they have tits that look like bloated ticks. I hate you all.

: Horrifying scenes like this were common during the Great Garbage Strike of '98. The union bastards at the garbage company wouldn't pick up the trash for weeks, so every time I drove down my street I saw crap like this rotting away on people's curbs. Eventually I got sick and tired of looking at it, so I poured gasoline all over it and lit it on fire and pushed it into the creek. Maybe that's why the water has been tasting shitty ever since.

: "Scabby" Perkins desecrates the manly act of smoking. As you can tell by his malformed mug, I've taken the liberty of extinguishing a few cartons of cigarettes on his greasy head. When will the morons ever learn?

: The Compost Express Wagon stops by the McKinely's Farm every weekend. Is it dropping off or picking up? I don't know, but I sure as hell ain't getting within 50 yards of that pale crock of crap riding in it.

I HATE YOU PAGE 105